


Harrowed hearts

by Swanlake (oceandolfin)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Arranged Marriage, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marriage of Convenience, Professor Castiel, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, World Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-03-20 04:45:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3637224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceandolfin/pseuds/Swanlake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester, an ideal son and brother, forced by his father to marry an unknown man. Castiel Milton, an outcast in his family, thought he was marrying the love of his life. Can a marriage works if it's foundation is made of lies, deception and compromise. Can two strangers bound by circumstances find a way together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The wedding invitation

**Lady and Lord Milton  
                                 with  
                        Mr John Winchester**

**Request the honour of your presence to commemorate the union of their children.  
               ** **Dean Winchester** **&  ** **Castiel Milton**

  ** _The ceremony will take place on Fourteen of February at ten o'clock at Holy Mary's Church._** ** _Reception immediately following ceremony would be held at Ritz._**

**_RSVP._ **

The gold embossed envelope was taunting him. It was not just a nightmare anymore. He could not avoid or ignore it . His future was now as tangible as this damned piece of paper,his condemnation to hell written in girly golden calligraphy . The gaudiness of wedding invite disgusted him and he rushed to the toilet to empty his insides. Fifteen minutes later, he was still sitting over the toilet seat with head in his arms. He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. The gaunt face with bags under his eyes stared back at him. He could still see bandages around his wrist reminder of his hurt, pain and desperation. He had failed at dying too. And now nothing could prevent this inevitable wedding. Castiel Milton. The name printed on the paper was as strange to him as the man himself. Who in their right mind would name their son Castiel. He could imagine a frigid passionless man,slave to manners and etiquette. He was going to be bonded to this Castiel Milton. He shuddered at the thought of the man's touch on his body. Of all the ways his father would punish him for his transgressions, this one took the cake. He hated his helplessness. He hated being a bargaining chip in his father's business empire.

He closed his eyes and saw brown shaggy hair and gangly coltish limbs. His Sammy. His little brother. There was only one reason in the whole world to make him agree to this farce and his father knew his weakness. It was a fact written in stone that Dean Winchester would go to hell and back for his baby brother.

The world of his father ran in orderly fashion. In rigid lines and planes and angles. It ran like clockwork. You cross the line a little and everything crashes. And what Sammy had done was unheard of. He had blurred the margins, crossed the barriers and had turned the clock upside down. He had defied Winchester's legacy and had run away. He had gone to pursue his dreams. The betrayal of Sam still rankled in his heart like an ugly sore. How could Sam be so selfish to leave Dean alone. But what was Dean if not an obedient son. He supported his father in his tirade against Sam and now his father wanted him to marry someone who he had never met just for business sake. He had refused point blank. He had already lost Sammy and there was no way he would lose someone out there who Dean would love and cherish. Of course, his father was taken aback by his refusal.

John Winchester had created the whole Winchester empire with his single minded determination and ability to control people. How could his eldest son stand in way of his lofty ambitions. He knew how to push Dean's buttons. Dean was trained since birth to be a obedient son and now was time to get results. Sam was stubborn and rebellious one but Dean was dutiful solider trained to take care of Sam. The simple threat that John would find Sam and destroy his dream of a life away from shadows of Winchester was enough for Dean to consent to this marriage. The two men in his life, his father and his brother for whom he sacrificed his childhood, his teens, his music had left him stranding nowhere.  
He always was glutton for punishment.

Castiel Milton was his punishment now. The faceless man . He belonged to him now, the writing on the paper clenched in his hands had decreed that. The Winchester world had once again found its orderliness and was back to working as a clockwork. So what if he was the sacrificial lamb. Who cared for him anyway. The father who used him as a pawn, the brother who ran away at the first chance he got. And last but not the least Castiel Milton, the man who agreed to marry him without even wanting to know who Dean Winchester was.  
...........................................................................................................................................

"So, how do you like your wedding invitation, brother. I still can not believe you have not talked to your betrothed. What if he is dumb or he stutters." Gabriel Milton teased his younger brother.

"Stop it, Gabriel. The jokes are getting a little old. You know everything was planned so fast that we could not get the time to interact but there is still a lifetime left."

"That's our Cas, hopelessly romantic"

Castiel Milton smiled caressing the wedding invite with his fingers. Here was the affirmation that he would finally live with love of his life. 'Love of his life' was such foolish cliched and hopelessly romantic thing he thought, after all he had seen his betrothed only once but that glimpse was enough to satiate his soul.

Castiel had always been a logical person. One plus one always equals two to him. He believed that there was always an order in the chaos called life. He had studied philosophy and mathematics in college - a combination of solidity of equations and fluidity of thoughts. He had dated both guys and girls. Castiel was a living contradiction. Though born in a old rich "noble family", he taught in an university. All Miltons were politicians, big businessmen or even the great fearsome cult leader like Lucifer except for Castiel. How did his life steady orderly life became a cliche, Castiel wondered. It was Dean Winchester who had razed through his life's order like an tornado.

Castiel had felt like he was struck by a thunderbolt when he first saw him. It was at Carver Edlund book signing. Supernatural series were his guilty pleasure. He had embraced the taunts from his brothers with as dignity as he could and there was no way he was going to miss first appearance of his favorite famously recluse writer.He who had been fed on Shakespeare, Flaubert, Chaucer since childhood was waiting line like a teenager girl to get all his books of supernatural series signed. He had been waiting in line and suffocating with hundred other people when a tall man collided with him. "Oops..Sorry. Guess i am too excited and high on caffeine.I have been awake since last night for this.", the man babbled and smiled sheepishly with dimples appearing at his blushing cheeks. At the sight of dimples on a giant six foot something man Castiel was rendered speechless and for the first time in his life ,he was blown away.

"Hey dude, you okay.." he heard the man's concerned voice and realized that he was staring.Castiel could not believe that sight of virtually unknown person could make him lose his sense. Despite his formidable height, the young man was boyishly good looking with hazel eyes and cute upturned nose. But there was something about the man's puppy like enthusiasm which was making Castiel's heart flutter. He was a thirty year old college professor with a lot of experience for god's sake. He was too old and jaded for this fuzzy, butterflies in stomach kind of feelings. Life always has ways to spring a surprise on you when you least expect it.

"I am fine, I guess. I thought I would be the only rabid fan here." Castiel somehow regained his sanity and replied back pointing at complete collection of Supernatural books in the man's arms and he was rewarded again with faint blush on those cheeks.

"I know it is little extreme but hey The Carver Edlund is here and we have to make the best of it. I have been reading his books since forever and my brother thinks I am nuts. The lore behind the books is so amazing..the whole concept of apocalypse ..too amazing..man. I am sorry I can not stop when I start talking about these books. Normally at this point my brother tell me to shut up."

"You brother seems to lack some taste not to appreciate these books and you seem to be forgetting that I also happen to have whole back breaking series in my hand so please continue. . I am Castiel Milton by the way."

"S...Dean ..I am Dean Winchester. Always pleasure meeting fellow fan."

They had talked endlessly about the books and their favourite parts after that and at the end of the day Castiel Milton was under the spell of one Dean Winchester. He had never been the one to take the initiative. He was calmest and least ambitious, but he knew he had to meet that man again otherwise he would die in agony. The logical part of his brain mocked him for behaving like a love sick puppy but that connection he felt burnt inside his skin. The man had vanished without a trace after book signing and he was left with a name ..Dean Winchester.

How can just meeting someone can make you hopelessly love with him Castiel mused.It was illogical and preposterous. But for days afterwards , Castiel dreamt of floppy caramel hair and dimples at the end of pink soft lips, he could write sonnets about. And one day destiny who he never believed in before had smiled on him. Castiel still did not know specifics of what exactly happened except the fact that Winchesters were looking for merger with the Miltons family.Both the families had agreed that the marriage of their sons would be the best way to seal the business merger between two big companies. There could be thousand of Winchesters he thought but the moment he saw that dimpled smile from Winchester family photo, he could not believe that Dean Winchester he met in supernatural tee and worn out faded jeans was actually the heir to Winchester Industries. The idea of being pawn in his family's ambitions was completely against what Castiel stood for but how could he say no to marriage to Dean. He was both helpless and hopeless in his need to know and to love and cherish Dean forever that he readily and happily sacrificed his principles for him.

Castiel found it strange that ever since the announcement of their engagement, Dean had not tried to contact him even once. Castiel had tried to talk to him and had even send him emails but he never got the reply back. Everything was happening so fast may be Dean was too busy to respond, Castiel reasoned. After all they had whole lifetime to get to know each other. He looked at the wedding invite and chided himself for daydreaming like an idiot. Castiel Milton was known as brilliant, sharp and analytical mind and never once he had been called hopelessly romantic. But now tides had turned and Castiel realized that for the first time in his life he had been acting as a fool.. A fool in love.


	2. The night before wedding

The night before the Wedding

Dean Winchester stared at the starry sky. Sammy was not coming. He had begged his father to let him find Sam and invite him to the media circus that was his wedding but true to his strict unrelenting self, his father had not budged a bit.

"No son of mine who disobeys and insults his family is allowed to set foot inside this house." his father declared and Dean said nothing after that.He wondered where Sammy was or if he knew that his brother was getting married. It was going to be the first page news and media fodder for gossip in days to come. The only example of marriage he knew was his parents.

After his mother's death , Dean had witnessed how embittered John Winchester became. It was like Mary had taken all the feelings inside John with her. Sam never knew the lovable side of their father. How John would bring yellow roses for Mary every day and prepared breakfast on Sundays. How John eyes would never wander from Mary when she was pregnant with Sammy. How John would rub Mary's feet while Dean felt little Sammy kicking inside his Momma's belly. Sam always asked why Dean chose to stay with the man their father had become. How could Dean explain to Sam what John Winchester was before fate took away his one love so cruelly and how Dean still believed his dad still lurked behind the steel exterior of the great industrialist John Winchester. Sam would never understand what family meant to Dean. He was self sufficient and loner since he was a kid but Dean would always need his father and his little brother.

Few hours from now he was going to start his new family with a stranger. He wondered how a marriage whose very foundation was a business transaction was going to last in long run. Marriage meant what John and Mary had with each other. Marriage meant two people vowing to love and cherish each other for life. Marriage meant in sickness and in health. What Dean was going to have was an agreement or a contract. Dean was blackmailed into this farce. What reason Castiel Milton had to consent to this malarkey called marriage. He knew he would not be able to sleep tonight thinking about what turn his life was going to take from tomorrow.

..............................................................................................................................................

 

"Can you imagine there were no pre wedding rehearsals!I would have loved to meet the hot younger brother of your betrothed." Gabriel whined while drinking his favorite wine. The wedding was tomorrow. Castiel, Gabriel and their little sister Anna were lounging in the hotel room.

Castiel smiled at his brother's antics. Gabriel was the only one on the family who had not settled. He drifted from one job to other like a bored butterfly. It was as if nothing in this world could hold Gabriel's interest for more than two minutes and currently one Samuel Winchester was one holding his attention.

"I am the one who is getting married to someone I have not even met properly and you are getting desperate for the wedding."

"Have you seen how tall he is. How I would love to climb those legs." Gabriel replied back.

"Everybody is tall for you, midget." Anna smirked.

"Anna." Castiel chastised his sister half heartedly. Anna and Gabriel sometimes fought viciously and listened to no one. " The whole family is tall, it seems." He vaguely remembered Dean's brother from the photo. In fact he looked slightly older to Dean and was definitely not as tall as him.

"But Sam is the giant in their family. Such cute dimples too." Gabriel was literally salivating.

Giant, dimples.. Something was not right. Why Gabriel was describing Dean's features to be Sam's. "I think you are drunk, brother. You are talking about Dean not Sam."

"What..Cas have you met Dean." Gabriel did not look drunk or wasted. In fact he was looking at him with his shrewd serious eyes.

"Yeah.. We met at Carver Edlund signing." Castiel replied with his heart beating fast.

"Can you describe him or color of his eyes." Gabriel questioned.

How could Castiel forget those multihued eyes. They were green when Dean smiled, hazel when he laughed and brown when Dean was serious. He had spent moments dreaming about what colour those eyes would take when Dean would look at him with love. "He is very tall about six foot and some inches. And he has those floppy hair and when he talks, he talks with his whole body and can never seem to stop. He is the most adorable person I have ever seen whose dimpled smile could melt the ice caps. And most importantly, he can quote whole Supernatural books verbatim. Anything more you wanted to know dear brother."

It was stunning to see how Gabriel's face had changed colour as Castiel talked about his future husband. Gabriel had become ashen white and again a prickly feeling of dread passed through Castiel. Gabriel then suddenly went up and came back with the photo of Winchester's family in his shaking hands and asked him hoarsely, "Cas, can you point out which one is Dean Winchester, the man you are going to marry ten hours from now."

It was absurd question but the seriousness of Gabriel's voice disturbed him. Gabriel was always the biggest prankster of the family and this time Castiel admitted to himself Gabriel was out doing himself. He took the photo from Gabriel's sweaty hands and pointed to the overgrown man he was completely crazy about saying, "That's Dean Winchester. The guy I met months ago. The same guy I am going to marry soon."

"Oh my God, Cas! that's Sam Winchester." Gabriel exclaimed.

"Very funny, Gabriel. It could have been one of the best prank you have ever pulled, but you are forgetting something here.I have already met him and he told me his name was Dean."

"Why would Sam Winchester lie about his name. Something is not right , Cas. I am not joking, please believe me. I met Dean during one of the business trip with Michael. He is green eyed guy standing next to Sam. He is the one you are going to marry tomorrow."

Castiel felt he was in a nightmare, Gabriel was a good prankster but he was not that good an actor. The shock and earnestness in his voice were scaring Castiel. What if what Gabriel was saying was true? He needed to confirm it. He suddenly felt urge to meet Dean himself to clear the confusion. But that felt inappropriate. Michael. His eldest brother Michael. Michael would know the truth. Michael always scolded Gabriel for his stupid jokes and never participated in his shenanigans. He needed to find Michael. No way his life was going to turn into horrible B rated movie.

He had knocked on the door of Michael's room maybe hundred times when he heard the sound of latch opening and gruff sleep laden voice of Michael, "What the hell, Castiel? Are you having some kind of pre-wedding meltdown?"

 "Which brother am I going to marry tomorrow?" Castiel asked desperately thrusting the Winchester family photo in front of his brother's half closed eyes.

It took agonizing minutes for Michael to finally comprehend his question," Is this some kind of joke, Castiel. I am not finding it funny at all. What kind of absurd question is this. You said you had met the guy before."

"Please Michael, just humor me and answer the question."

"This one is Dean and the other one is younger brother Sam."

Castiel looked at the man Michael's fingers were pointing at. All his worst fears had come true. Dean..no Sam had lied to him and in his infinite stupidity, Castiel had made the gravest mistake of his life. He had consented to marry the wrong brother. There was still ten hours left, he could rectify the mistake. He could talk to Sam and maybe cancel the wedding.

" Castiel, are you okay. What the hell is happening. Is it Gabriel's idea of joke. And if it is I swear I would kill him."

It was a joke, a cruel and merciless joke. Castiel thought. How foolishly he had been, how he had spent days dreaming of impossible future, of waking up to hazel eyes , snuggling with that hot naked body, of drinking coffee at his favourite shop while playing footsie under the table, of heated discussions over science fictions, of savoring delicious wine while the lights from the candles illuminate the beautiful features of his husband, of his husband's deep belly laugh and adorable pout and dimples, of his crying his name in orgasmic bliss. Dean of Castiel's dream had never been to his home still Castiel had missed his presence everywhere. But Dean had never replied back to his mails or calls. It should have sounded the alarm bells but Castiel was so engrossed in his obsession that he failed to read warning signs. He, the logical one, had behaved like a lovestruck teenager. It was mortifying and embarrassing and now he had landed himself in mess of mammoth proportions.

"I thought I was getting married to Sam whenI consented to this wedding. I was under the false impression that Sam was Dean. But now when the truth has come out, I can not go through this wedding. I am sorry, Michael. We have to call off this wedding."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for yet another short chapter. Next chapter would be not so short, I promise. Thanks for all kudos and comments.. It felt encouraging as this is my first destiel story :).


	3. The Wedding

Chapter three

The Wedding

It was a bright sunny day. The sky was blue,there was a gentle breeze. Everything looked so normal, toddlers were playing in ground with their mothers hovering around nearby, people were driving to their work some in hurry some not so, placards on the shops showed open sign..the universe was running in its own leisurely pace in spite the turmoil inside him. Castiel wondered if there were other unfortunate examples like him who realized that the man they were going to marry in twelve hours was actually elder brother of the man they wanted. He was still reeling from the shock. After knowing the truth, first he had adamantly refused to get married but pressure of his family eventually broke him. Miltons were aristocratic family and his father was epitome of the family's legacy and influence. In the end, he had to choose between disgrace to his father's name and his heart's wish. He would have still followed his heart but the man he loved, Sam Winchester had abandoned his family months ago and nobody had any idea where he was. Things happened so fast that he had lost his will. The pressure from his big brothers, look of disappointment from his aloof father, loss of lucrative business venture, fear of public shaming of his family, the only way to save everything was to let this marriage happen. He could always get the annulment later on. In the end, he acquiesced and everything went back to normal. And now his family was behaving as if nothing happened, as if his sacrifice meant nothing. They were all getting dressed up for the wedding, talking about the wedding reception where famous musician was supposed to perform. How he had wanted Dean..no..Sam to hear the songs he had personally selected as wedding playlist, he wondered bitterly.

Dean Winchester..the real Dean Winchester, the man Castiel was going to wed, he knew nothing about. He had spent hours looking at that photograph without even giving a cursory glance to the man standing besides Sam. Dean was the eldest son, he was told, an astute business mind and worthy heir to Winchester empire. He was good looking, could even be called pretty with his green eyes and full mouth but there was look of weariness behind those eyes as if the man was holding an invisible burden around his slender shoulders. The blinding dimpled smile of Sam had overshadowed his brother and Dean seemed like a guy who was happy in background and letting Sam take the spotlight. Who could resist that boyish puppy dog looks ? Sam was all raw energy and charisma brighting up the room moment he entered the room. People flocked to him like a moth to flame. Castiel knew it because he was one of those fools. He had promised to himself that he would do everything to keep that bright glow of Sam's alive. He was just one night away from touching it and now his life was filled with darkness.

"Dean Winchester is a good man, Castiel. He would be good for you. Even though it sounds like your marriage is a mere business transaction but I am your brother. I will always look out for you. After personally meeting Dean, I realized that you two are perfect for each other. I would never have agreed to this kind of arranged marriage for you, if Dean would not have been the groom. Trust me, brother."

He trusted Michael, his elder brother. Michael was the one who had practically raised them. He assured that they never missed the long absences of their parents. Castiel would jump off the cliff if Michael asked him to but he would never agree that Dean Winchester would be perfect for him when he had actually met his younger brother. This marriage would remain what it actually was, a business transaction.

"You ready to go, Cas. We are leaving for church in ten minutes?"

Gabriel was fidgeting near the door. His eyes were darting around everywhere except looking in Castiel's eyes.

"You don't have to feel guilty, Gabe. In a way, I should be grateful to you. Imagine if I had learned the truth in front of the whole church, what would I have done then."

"Why are you doing this, Cas? Why continue the charade when you know the truth now. You don't love this Dean Winchester, hell, you don't even know the guy. I had never seen you as happy as you were when you thought you were getting to married to Sam. You were actually humming, Cas. You were actually singing a pop song. Can you believe how shocking it was for mere mortals like me. You were always a little uptight and too well mannered, this guy was loosening you .Why are you giving up, Cas? Don't go through this marriage. You know if you marry Dean Winchester, you stand to lose Sam completely."

"Sam was never mine to lose, Gabe. Sometimes you do things for greater good. Sometimes a foolish infatuation for a man means nothing if the honour of family is at stake."

"Are you actually hearing your own words, Castiel, because that doesn't fucking sound like you. Since when have you cared for family's honour?You rejected titles, nobility, our lifestyle and even money when you decided to become a college professor. This is not you, Cas. This is Michael's brother."

"I am Michael's brother, Gabe. I am sorry but I am going through this wedding. It was my mistake, Gabe. I was not forced to it. I had said yes."

"But you thought you were marrying Sam."

"As I said, my fault. The family had nothing to do it. I behaved like an besotted teenager. I let my feelings rule over my head. I could have refused Father when he first asked me but I didn't. I won't let my foolishness and recklessness ruin our family's reputation. This wedding is on, Gabe, irrespective of what you want."

"I never thought you were given to self flagellation, Cas. Congrats then. Congrats on being a coward and not following your heart."

The harsh words of Gabriel stayed with him like an echo even when he was standing in his altar waiting for his intended. He was getting uncomfortable in his over starched and crisp white shirt under his tuxedo. His family was sitting elegantly in left side, perfect like porcelain, his mother and father, taciturn and sympathetic Michael, scowling and petulant Gabriel and clueless Anna. Lucifer was not there as expected after being banished from family by his father. There were only two people representing Winchesters, one he recognized as John Winchester and another was an old bearded man with frown in his face. It was disconcerting to observe how personal the wedding was with only family members present. Of course, Sam Winchester, the man responsible for Castiel standing like a sacrificial lamb in his own wedding ceremony was missing.

As if on cue, Dean Winchester arrived. Dean was also wearing tuxedo like him and his eyes were downcast. His body language emitted a nervousness and apprehension or resignation Castiel could not discern. Seeing Dean standing besides him was like jolt. Till now, this marriage was just an abstract but now with both of them standing before the priest and family behind them, the moment was too real to sink in. He could see that Dean was as unwilling to this farce as he was. That explained lack of communication from Dean's part. He wondered if Dean had read any of mails he had sent him. If Dean had, they would not be here mechanically nodding their heads at what priest was saying. What were Dean's compulsion behind this marriage. He did not look like a guy who would be coerced to do anything you wanted. What leverage was used against the unwilling dour man who would be his husband soon. The sound of clearing of throat from the priest took him out of reverie. The priest was looking at him expectantly. He was completely zoned out during the ceremony.

"Hmm.." he made some noise not knowing what to do.

It was then, he noticed Dean Winchester looking at him. His intense green eyes were boring into Castiel with a hint of resentment. There was nothing resembling Sam in his elder brother but even Castiel would concede that Dean Winchester was aesthetically beautiful. The photographs had not done justice to the pretty features of the man. His face was interesting mixture of soft feminine lips and stubborn jaw.

"Mr Milton. Should I repeat it? Do you take Mr Dean Winchester as your lawful wedded husband, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer,in sickness and health, be faithful only to him, for as long as you both shall live?"

Oh, he had missed The question whose answer was just two words. The two words which once meant everything to him now escaped from his lips as a chore assigned to him by his father.

"Yes, father. I do."

 

................................................................................................................................................

 

It was building inside him since Dean Winchester opened his eyes this morning. This feeling he could not give name to. A dread, horror, panic, anger, frustration, agitation and voidness. It felt like he had been thrown down the cliff and he was free falling in abyss. For past two months, he had completely shut his mind to the wedding as if he would not think about it then it would cease to exist. He had excused himself from any conversation pertaining to impending nuptials with his father and John Winchester somehow respected his wish. The most shocking part was seeing the mail from Castiel Milton in his inbox. It had remained unopened for days stark reminder of the future Dean had chosen by himself. Then he got another mail and soon they were too many to ignore, screaming for his attentions or mocking him for his weakness. In a fit of helpless rage, he had deleted them all one day. He had cleared his computer of any clutter relating to one Castiel Milton. No facebook requests, no congratulatory messages from friends, no google alerts of Milton's family. He had even refused to see the photo or desired to meet the man before the wedding. He was furious at his own impotence for silently following his father's orders and Castiel Milton was embodiment of all his frustrations and failures in his life and letting Sammy go was one of them.

_What the hell are you wearing Sammy. You going back in time to Woodstock or something._

_These are latest trends in fashion, Dean. They are so cool that I would even wear them to your wedding._

_Keep dreaming, kiddo. My wedding..not happening ever._

_Imagine Dean Winchester in tuxedo,clean shaven, hair all slicked back standing ramrod straight next to poor little girl._

_What makes you think it would be a girl, Sammy._

_Really Dean. As if female of species were not enough, you are eyeing on male specimens too._

_Always keep your options open, kiddo._

_You are a disgusting pig. I really pity the unfortunate guy or girl who would be stupid enough to marry you._

Castiel Milton, Sammy would never know the man he was going to marry.

"You idjit, everyone is looking for the groom and here you are taking time to look pretty ."

The gruff voice of Bobby Singer jolted him back to the reality.

"And hello to you too, Bobby."

"How are you really, kid. I have never seen you so grumpier since my dog chewed your batman toy when you were four."

"I am fine, Bobby."

"Dean, Did John force you into this marriage."

"What makes you think so?"

"Because I know you, boy since you were a bawling baby. You don't look like someone who is getting married. It looks like damn funeral here."

"You know the millions we will make if the merger with Miltons happens as planned."

"Those are John Winchester words coming from your mouth. Oh my god, you idjit. You are marrying for money. That's not you, Dean. You are the boy who loves with your heart and soul. You are not some ruthless businessman. You are not your father, Dean."

"Maybe I am, Bobby."

"Listen kid, you may be foolhardy, impatient bastard but you are not a fuck up. You are going to be married to a wonderful young man and you will not mess this happiness in your life because god, you deserve it more than anyone else. Promise me, Dean, promise me that you will try."

And he had promised Bobby mechanically that he would take his wedding vows seriously. His father did not come to see him. John Winchester was a busy man, maybe, he was out milking whatever he could of this mockery. The only thing he had asked his father was absolute privacy in church, only immediate family were to be allowed in actual ceremony. He knew what this wedding was but he still did not want it to be a public spectacle. Both his father and Miltons had agreed readily to it because the wedding reception was supposed to be the grand affair, still Dean claimed it as a minor victory and it felt like he had a little control over his life.

At the last minute, John Winchester had strolled in and told him that he was proud of Dean. The words were hollow and held no meaning. His father knew how or when to press his buttons and like a mechanical robot, Dean would dance to his tune. He was so numb that he did not even miss Sam's absence. It was just a stupid ceremony and he had to say some words and soon it would be over.

At the cue of the music, he entered the church and first thing he saw was the back of man he was going to marry wearing matching tuxedo. Dean was standing besides the man, he still could not make himself to see the man's face as if seeing him would break the shroud of denial he had covered himself in. When the man fumbled on his words, Dean reflexively turned to see him. The first thing that came to his mind was he could have done worse. Castiel Milton was an attractive man, the kind of face which grows on you slowly. The slight blush on his cheeks on his apparent blunder and little frown lines on the forehead made Castiel look practically adorable. Suddenly, Dean was angry at himself for getting attracted to the man Dean held responsible for ruining his life. Castiel looked at him then and Dean's breath was momentarily taken away by his blue eyes. He had never seen such a vivid blue eyes. How could he hate this man with a face of an angel. There was no malice, arrogance or resentment in those eyes except wonder,surprise, innocence and melancholy. It was during that moment, Dean realized maybe Castiel Milton was as helpless as him in agreeing to the wedding.

"Dean Winchester, do you take Castiel Milton as your lawful wedded husband, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer,in sickness and health, be faithful only to him, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"Mr Milton and Mr Winchester, you have expressed your love to one another through the commitment and promises you have just made. It is with these in mind that I pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss."

The soft brush of lips against him and Dean could no longer deny the reality. He was married to Castiel Milton and he had no fucking idea what lay ahead.


	4. The Wedding Reception

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for delay in posting new chapter as I was busy with the wedding in the family.

The Wedding Reception

What do you say to the man who have just married and have never met before? Hello I am Castiel, the stupidest person in the whole world, the one agreed to this wedding blindly believing he was marrying your brother. Dean, his husband, was not exactly ignoring him but he was not interested in him either. Immediately after the wedding, they were forced to have photo session. To say it was awkward would be a gross understatement. Of course, Dean had taken to it like fish to water but Castiel hadalways been self conscious and camera shy.

"Mr. Milton, would you please move closer to your husband and put one arm around his shoulders."

"Mr Milton, would you please relax and look at camera? It's your wedding day, remember."

"Mr. Milton and Mr Winchester, would you kiss each other, that would be perfect."

The incessant instructions from the pesky photographer were not helping the matter either. He could not believe that Dean would be so natural and handsome. There was casual charm and confidence around him. The nervousness and apprehension he had seen in those eyes during the ceremony had strangely vanished instead there was amusement in them at Castiel's expense.

"Relax, it's just a photoshoot, dude." He heard Dean whispering to his ears. Dude.. Seriously..Was he just called "dude" by his husband? What was he supposed to address him as? For months, Dean meant six feet few inches tall, giant adorable puppy with floppy hair. But the real Dean was complete opposite, wry and sardonic with evil twist in the mouth.

"I hate being photographed." Castiel mouthed back which led to the questioning look in Dean's face.

"I don't understand the reason why? You are not too bad to look at."

Was that some kind of backhanded compliment from his husband? He did not want to give Dean some Freudian explanation for his dislike. But the reality was every year in Milton's family portrait, Castiel always stood like sour thumb. Michael, Lucifer even Gabe would look regal and composed and Castiel would look either constipated or sickly and his father would cluck his throat and say, "When will he learn that he belongs to Miltons and behave like one." It always felt like as if his childhood insecurities never went away every time he faced a camera.

The ordeal was finally over and he really felt bad for poor photographer who left shaking his head. Tomorrow, these photographs would be gracing the covers of every tabloids. He wondered if these pictures would reveal the truth behind his marriage as the saying goes 'A picture says the thousand words.'

He had no time to breathe when he was rushed to the reception. The wedding reception was complete contrast to the wedding ceremony. It was held in the most opulent hotel and all the decadence and grandeur was in full display. Amongst the crowd of who's who of the world, Castiel craved for intimacy and privacy of the morning. He had lost count of how many people he had been introduced to or had shaken hands with. He had renounced this life years ago preferring quiet of academia to the pomp and glitter of Milton's legacy. The blatant display of wealth and power always made him uncomfortable. But Dean seemed to be in his elements here hobnobbing with powerful politicians, rich businessmen, ambassadors and royalties. How will two of them, complete opposite of each other, it seems, get along. Dean did not belong to quaint university campus and languid pace of Castiel's life as much as Castiel wasout of place in Dean's world. The fake smiles and overtly polite greetings were stifling him and he proceeded to get himself drunk, at least alcohol would help tolerate his own wedding reception.

"Penny for your thoughts, Castiel."

Michael was standing before him offering him glass of champagne. He took it and gulped down the whole glass. He was already light headed from the previous five drinks he had downed. The sight of Michael with concern in his eyes was disconcerting and all the bitterness he had buried inside himself since the morning rose to the surface.

"Was the only reason to pick me for this marriage was my homosexuality."

"Cas.."

"Just humour me, Michael."

"You saw the photograph. You said yes instantly. You did not question anything then."

"I was mistaken that I was marrying Sam but you were not, Michael. You had met Winchesters. Did you really think we would get along. Look at me, Michael, do I look like a person who would have dinner with presidents."

"Dean is a good man, Castiel. I am repeating it again. Give him a chance."

"Really, Michael. Because from where I am standing, I can see my husband flirting with a woman. Do you really believe what you are saying. Or is it just a business deal for you, sacrificing your fag outcast brother who Father never liked anyway."

"You are drunk, Cas. I never forced you, neither then nor last night. You made that decision yourself. You have to live with it now."

The blunt words of Michael strung him. He was always a light drinker and he did not want to create scene on his own marriage reception. But he needed more alcohol to drown the sharp pang in his heart, the pain of shattering of dreams he had conjured so lovingly.. dreams of enjoying first day of their lives with banter and loving heated up glances and finally forsaking their reception for some delicious conjugal bliss. But here he was standing alone and neglected without any knowledge of whereabouts of his husband who had hardly spoken two lines to him.

........................................................................................................................................

Now that the wedding part was over, Dean found himself relaxing. He had been wrung like a tight coil these past months steadfastly refusing to acknowledge the most important day of his life but after seeing his husband, Dean felt a wave of comfort washing over him. There was something about Castiel Milton which was appealing to him. Whether it was Castiel's honest blue eyes or his adorable face or Castiel being a little dork, Dean was finding his husband quite amusing. In a way, he reminded Dean a little of Sammy. The memory of his nerdy brother threatened to overwhelm him again but sight of Castiel Milton awkwardly posing for photographs was a welcome distraction. The more the enthusiastic photographer was barking instructions at them, more clumsy and self conscious Castiel seemed to be getting. After a while he took pity on the poor guy and asked him to relax. The withering look he got in return was priceless. He smiled thinking that the kitten had claws.

It was refreshing to know that Castiel Milton was unlike other Miltons. He had met the father and eldest brother Michael. They were so stiff and to manner born that Dean had wondered that he would become immobile sitting in front of them any longer. He had imagined Castiel to be exact replica of them and imagined lifetime of stilted and too polite conversations. He had believed he was marrying a perfect porcelain doll but what was in front of his eyes was the man who hated to be photographed and fumbled through wedding ceremony.

He hardly got time to talk to his husband when they had to attend wedding reception. Of course, it was planned by his father to display the power and influence of Winchesters so that their rivals remember it for days to come. Even Dean begrudgingly admitted that John Winchester had surpassed himself. Each and every important and relevant person on this side of continent had shown his or her presence in the extravagant reception. "Obscene display of power and corruption" that's what Sam used to say of their father's  
king size parties. John had given specific instructions to Dean to take advantage of situation and grease the hands of most necessary of them. He somehow felt bad for leaving Castiel alone in his own wedding reception. He looked bored and uncomfortable amongst the crowd and it warmed Dean from inside seeing how uninterested Castiel was in the VIP guests.

"I could never believe in thousand years that the great Dean Winchester would agree to an arranged marriage."

He heard the familiar female voice behind him and turned to see Bela Talbot smirking at him. Bela and him had complicated history between them. She headed the publicity department of their company and was very skilled in boardroom and bedroom after all, Dean had seen both of her skills personally.

"What makes you think it was an arranged marriage, Bella." he retorted back.

"Oh, C'mon Dean, you would never go for a nerdy professor."

"You underestimate me, Bela. Maybe I have special weakness for nerdy ones."

"Really, Dean. Now you are underestimating me. I have personal record of all your conquests, male and female included. A regular part of my job. Porn stars, anorexic supermodels, washed up actresses, cokehead musicians, strippers..well anybody with zero self esteem. A respected mathematics professor with Milton surname would never make it to your list."

The barb was sharp and it hit the mark making Dean bristle with anger. He had always been 'incorrigible player'. Male or female anyone catching his eye was a fair game. He had one simple rule though one night stands only. Bela was the only exception but they were both too self absorbed and toxic to each other. Sam had once asked him whether he thought so lowly of himself that he could not find a better partner or somebody to love. Of course, he had completely ignored Sam's question. But he could not help not ignoring Bela's remark. Was it really true that if it had not been arranged marriage, Dean would never have found himself someone to marry and spend a life time with. Castiel Milton was good looking and he was looking forward to bury himself in that gorgeous ass but Dean would never believe in stupid notions of love and commitment. He had seen what love had done to his own father. He could never make the same mistake.

"You do not know me, Bela and don't presume otherwise."

"Ouch, that hurts isn't it. Knowing the truth of yourself from another person's lips. Anyway, Congrats Dean Winchester and let's see how long this charade lasts."

If Bela were not good at her job, he would have get rid of her eons ago. Their conversation had left a bitter taste in his mouth and suddenly the feeling of weariness he had before he saw Castiel again started stifling him again. He saw his husband talking animatedly to Michael and wondered what it was all about. He had still not introduced himself properly to Castiel and with purpose to rectify his mistake, he walked towards Castiel who seemed a little wasted. He did not why he was pleased to know that Castiel was a light weight.

"Hi, there. We have never been formally introduced. I am Dean Winchester, your husband as of today."

Castiel looked startled by Dean's first attempt at proper conversation between two of them. He nervously licked his lower lips and looked at him with his confused blue eyes. Dean found himself dreaming of kissing those soft looking lips till they were swollen and wet but his daydreams were interrupted by gravelly slurred voice.

"No, you are not Dean Winchester. You are not the Dean I wanted to marry."


	5. The morning after

Chapter five

Castiel Milton woke up with an excruciating headache. It was as if half dozen elephants had taken residence inside his skull and were playing football. He had not experienced such a hangover ever since his college days. He wondered how much he had drank last night to be experiencing hell like this. He had vaguest memories of the reception especially after his volatile conversation with Michael. He remembered Dean coming up to him and then there were bits and pieces.

"There is aspirin and glass of water by the table if you need it."

Dean was standing before him clad in towel with drops of water dripping down his naked torso. For a moment, he stared fascinated by smattering of freckles on the well muscled body of the man standing before him. The unsubtle and loud coughing broke his musings.

"Where am I?" he blurted out without thinking.

"Really dude. Are you still drunk or do I have to remind you that you are in ten thousand dollars a day honeymoon suite."

"I mean..I meant who brought me here and what happened last night."

"Can we have this conversation when I am not nearly naked or you have stopped perving on me."

"What. You are clearly mistaken. I am no pervert."

The nerves of the man to call him a pervert as if Ken dolls were his type. It must be the hangover.

"Now you remember me. Thank God. I was sick of hearing you saying repetitively that I was not Dean Winchester. You get very dramatic when you are shit drunk." Dean was putting on his underpants while talking to him and it was getting harder not to steal a glance at his ridiculously hot body.No doubt fruit of wasting mindless hours on gym or steroid injections Castiel thought contemptously.

"Did you bring me here and did you undress me too without my permission." he had suddenly realised that he was wearing nothing but his boxers. It was mortifying thought that a complete stranger.. his so called husband had seen him naked without his knowing.

"You are a bit prissy, aren't you? this was not you were saying last night when I was taking off your shirt." Dean was smirking at him making Castiel flush like a tomato.

"I do not know what you are talking about. I will prefer being ignorant of what I might or might not have said last night in my drunken state."  
"

As you wish, Princess. But you do have some sordid imagination Where did all this imagery comes from. Tell me dude, is it porn."

"Excuse me!I will not deign to participate in this absurd and preposterous discussion." Castiel replied hotly. He could not believe how obnoxious the man was and it was just first day of their so called married life. He was anxious whether he had actually confessed the truth but body language of Dean implied that He still knew nothing about Castiel's secret.

"Preposterous my ass, I should have recorded what you were babbling, dude."

Dean's full bellied laugh at his own remark was really affronting and Castiel was really surprised to discover that he found the crinkles around Dean's eyes while he laughed endearing. It reminded him of deep dimples appearing around the cheeks of the man he was still crazy about. The man whose brother was now his husband. He could not ponder over the mess his life had become on empty stomach and residual hangover. He needed shower and heavy breakfast.

He stormed past his still laughing husband and loudly closed the bathroom door. Yeah, it was immature and childish of him but Dean was getting under his skin like a nasty itch. Finally after taking his own sweet time to shower and getting ready he entered their honeymoon suite only to see Dean Winchester gobbling down burger and fries.

"Welcome, Princess. See what I have ordered for you. You can always thank me later."

"Excuse me, I still have concern for my coronary arteries. I will have something healthy in the morning please."

"Dude, you are just like Sammy. Why the hell people want to eat rabbit food, I just can't understand."

Sammy. Castiel froze at the word. A term of endearment for Sam. Suddenly he was not hungry anymore. He wanted to go back to his own home and lick his wounds in peace. He wanted to be left alone. He did not want to share fries with an oblivious and infuriating Dean Winchester.

"Sammy."

"Sammy is my kid brother. He is the smart one. He wants to be some do gooder environment lawyer."

There was pride, love and sadness in Dean's voice which melted something inside Castiel. Now was the time for Castiel to tell Dean the truth. He could not hide the secret that big.He had to tell Dean that it was Sam he wanted to marry.

"I did not see your brother at the wedding."

The words he wanted to utter never left his mouth. Castiel felt like he was struck in some twilight zone where his brain and his mouth had a total disconnect.

"He was not there."

Yes, Castiel knew that Sam Winchester was not there and how badly he wished Sam was here with him. The dejection in Dean's voice made it impossible to pry further about whereabouts of Sam.

"Well, what are your plans for today, princess."

With that the moment was gone. Dean had brushed off the topic of Sam and looked cheerful again but Castiel could still see hurt at the edges of his eyes. It came to him as a shock that the only thing common to both him and Dean was that they both had their hearts broken by one Sam Winchester who did not even bother to attend his brother's wedding. It was destiny that they ended up together but was it enough?

.............................................................................................................................................

"No, you are not Dean Winchester, definitely not the one I wanted to marry."

Dean Winchester did not know whether to laugh or feel insulted by drunken declaration of his husband. Castiel Milton, respected and dignified professor of mathematics was completely wasted and if it was not their wedding reception, Dean would have certainly found the situation hilarious.

"Okay, so I am not Dean Winchester of your dreams. But atleast, I am real."

He was trying to save them both from embarrassing situation as all the guests had started staring at them strangely.

"What's happening?" Gabriel Milton came rushing to him with concern in his eyes.

"I think your brother had way too many drinks."

"Castiel hardly ever drinks. He is pretty lightweight."

"Must be the wedding. And he keeps saying that I am not Dean Winchester. Who the hell did he think he was marrying, bloody Prince of Wales."

"Gabe, brother of mine, to be or not to be this is the question. Whether it .."

"What the hell is he saying now, Gabriel."

"Castiel becomes a little Shakespearian when he has a bit too much."

"There is no way, Mr Shakespeare can remain in this party any longer. Will you save the situation here while we slip away."

"Of course. I can always say that newlyweds were horny and could not wait so they are currently consummating their marriage."

"Whatever, dude."

"Hey Deano, Will you take care of Castiel. You know he is babbling nonsense right."

"Of course. I am the only Dean Winchester in the family. Hey, your brother would be fine, I promise."

There was something shifting about Gabriel's behaviour as if he wanted to tell Dean something but could not do so. He would talk to Gabriel in future regarding it, now his concern was putting one talkative babbling idiot to the bed.

Just one hour back, Dean was dreaming of ravishing his cute and adorable husband and christening the honeymoon suite but luck was not on his side. He laid down Castiel on the king sized bed and bowed down to remove the shoes listening to his inane chatter. He could not believe that he was enjoying it.

"I had pi..pictured today as the best of all my days. Our first time would be like what's described in literature in superflous words.Your legs wrapped around me..your beatific smile..green eyes dark with desire, your naked body against mine. I want you so much and you are so far away.."

Castiel Milton was big fan of porn, it seemed. Who the hell talks about legs, desire and naked bodies. Or may be the poor guy was a virgin. Sex was just sex, there was nothing romantic about it. A simple thurst of one body against another, exchange of bodily fluids, sharp pleasure and release of tensions. He hardly tolerated cuddling afterwards. He ridiculed those who believed otherwise. But the idea of virgin Castiel was so appealing that he felt instantly turned on. Castiel was finally passed out. It was not the way he had wanted his wedding night to end. He could not believe he was looking forward to the next day. Just twenty hours earlier, he was filled with dread and hate. But the man sleeping peacefully in foetal position besides him had changed something inside him. Castiel Milton had something which caused his heart to melt a little. 

Castiel was still sleeping like dead when Dean woke up next day but somewhere during the night, he had shifted closer to Dean and was now resting his head against Dean's shoulder. It was first time Dean had woken up with someone on his bed and it felt strange yet welcome. He extracted himself gently from Castiel and went to freshen up after leaving aspirin on the table.

The idea of marriage was not bad if the first thing you saw was sleepy face of Castiel with tousled hair and confused blue eyes. And dude, was the man stuck up pain in the ass with his intense stares and english professor's vocabulary and pathetic food choices. No doubt, he reminded Dean of Sam.

"Sammy is my kid brother. He is the smart one. He wants to be some do gooder environment lawyer."

He did not know why mention of Sam just slipped out of his tongue. Since the day, Sam had left, he had not talked about Sam to anybody even to his father except to Bobby maybe. The running away of his wayward little brother still ran deep in his heart and so did absolutely no reaction from his own father. He was raised by John to bury every hurt deep inside and never ever show your weakness. His father had always engraved in him that your problems are sorely yours and you are the only one to deal with them, that's how you become a man and Dean Winchester had become a man when he was five years old when his mother had died and he had to take care of his infant brother. Looking at the man sitting before him elegantly with his angelic face, he may forget this marriage was something which was forced on him. But he still could not pretend that their marriage was anything but a sham.

"I did not see your brother at the wedding."

"He was not there."

His little brother was not there because his father said so. And Dean Winchester was there as a puppet because his father said so. There was something akin to pity in Castiel's eyes as if he understood what losing loved ones meant but he could not show his vulnerability to anyone even though deep blue eyes of his husband seemed to pierce through all the barriers he had set around his heart.

"Well, what are your plans for today, princess."

He said flippantly to avoid topic of Sam. He did not know what other things he and his prissy nerdy husband could talk about. He wondered what helluva pair Sam and Castiel would have made. He knew that both Castiel and him had nothing in common but hell, he would be lying if he denied that he was inexplicably attracted to Castiel Milton but Castiel would not mean anything to him except a good fuck. There was no happy ever after in this union. Welcome to married life, Dean Winchester, he congratulated to himself bitterly.


	6. The family dinners

Sometimes Castiel thought that Dean Winchester, the man he married, was a big jig saw puzzle and no matter how much he was trying to put together all the pieces, there were always some pieces missing. After disastrous start, things were still going haywire and past ten days had almost passed like a blur in never ending cycles of attending lunches and elaborate dinners. It seemed to Castiel that he had been transported to Versailles and he was Mary Antoinette. He was getting tired of another forced conversations, his jaw was aching from smiling too much and even his stomach was revolting at the sight of another nine course meals. He got dead bored at these parties and observing Dean Winchester had become his favourite pastime during such occasions. There were always new things he was discovering about the man.

Dean Winchester was a shameless flirt, male, female or even an alien, Dean could charm the pants off any of them. And the worst part was the man knew his own bad boy appeal. He certainly belonged to those James Dean types whom women want to tame fully knowing that their hearts would break in the end. Castiel found the jealous glances bestowed upon him, for being the one who finally ensnared Dean Winchester, amusing. It was as if Castiel had won the hunger game or climbed Mount Everest without legs. He could not believe marrying Dean Winchester completely by providence was now recited as the biggest accomplishment of his life by Dean's coterie of fans.

"How many people have you actually slept with including men and women?" He asked exasperatedly after withstanding another hostile stare from a woman.

"I don't actually keep count, princess, continuing this topic, what about you..are you a virgin?"

"What! What makes you infer that."

"Only two types of people say no to me. One who are too shy to have sex and other who can not have sex."

"What about third one who don't want to have sex."

"I am sorry to say, dear princess, third types does not exist."

"I am sorry to puncture your enormous ego but believe me you are not that good."

"I have seen you looking and how would you know if you do not try. And The sweet Lord himself has given us full permission to fuck like bunnies."

"Wow, poetic words like that are the surest way to seduce me."

"Oh, I did not know that you liked dirty talk, Castiel."

"Keep dreaming, Dean. Maybe the sweet Lord has given you permission but I am still unwilling."

"You know those who protest loudly are actually begging from inside."

"With your X rated vision, you sure can see insides."

"You are funny, Cas."

"You are disgusting and my name is Castiel."

Cas. It was the first time Dean had used his shortened name and he was not sure whether he liked it or not. He had always been sure about things. He knew what he wanted. He wanted a life away from his family's legacy. He wanted to teach young people and he wanted Sam but ever since anomaly in the form of Dean Winchester had entered his life, he did not know what he wanted anymore. He wanted to confess the truth about Sam to Dean but he failed at every opportunity. He had made it clear that he was not ready to consummate their marriage but he stole glances at naked body of Dean and even got turned on by him. He used to tell himself every day that he would ignore silly antics of his husband but he still bickered with Dean like a child. It was as if he had no control over his life anymore. He had painstakingly defined his life on his own terms but this marriage had cumbered all his efforts and he was trapped.

"Where are you two going on honeymoon, Cassie."

He and Dean were at first Milton family dinner post wedding and unexpected question from Ana startled him. He had still not talked to Gabe after their previous confrontation and had not apologised to Michael for his drunken tirade. And their father was as usual absent. The atmosphere at the dinner table was not doubt frosty and uncomfortable.

"What do you suggest, Anna." Dean replied jovially.

He felt grateful to Dean for making light of the situation. In the aftermath of what had happened the night before wedding and subsequently, he had completely forgotten about the honeymoon. He had the whole itinerary planned when he assumed that he was marrying the right brother. He had dreamt of taking one of those historical cruise with his husband around Scandinavia exploring the Norse legends and Vikings myths. He was going to surprise De..Sam but surprise was in store for him instead.

"Bora Bora islands..sun booze and lots of skin."

"Anna." Michael said sharply, "Have you forgotten how to behave like a lady, dear sister. Don't embarrass the newly weds."

"I was just giving suggestion which Dean asked." Ana replied petulantly.

"It was great suggestion." Dean interrupted winking at Anna, " I love beaches."

"Cas hates beaches." Gabriel drawled " he gets burnt like lobster there."

"Enough. I think we should let newlyweds decide where they want to go to honeymoon." Michael silenced Gabriel with finality.

"Have you told him the truth, Cassie?" Gabe questioned him after Michael and Dean had retired to study to discuss future mergers.

"It's not easy, Gabe."

"Oh my god, you are not leaving him. You will stay in this mockery of marriage."

"You know I can't right now. It will be bad for business on both sides."

"Why do you have to be sacrificial lamb. I thought he would have guessed something from your drunken rants."

"If Dean had, he has not mentioned it. It's matter of few months. It would be difficult living under the same roof. We are complete polar opposites to each other."

"You know they say that opposites attract plus he is damn hot."

"I sometimes don't understand you. First you were telling me to leave this marriage and now you are waxing eloquent about hotness of my husband."

"Hey, I just want you to be happy, Cassie and also tap that ass."

"Gabe.."

"Seriously, Cassie, I want you to do what makes you happy. Even if it means going against our absentee father."

The dinner with his family had been like old times. He had cleared his grievances with Gabe and apologised to Michael whose parting words were 'Married life suits you, Cassie.' He knew it was Michael's way of hinting him that he could not quit now. He had to embrace the reality. Even if he and Dean could not be friends atleast they could coexist peacefully. For how long that was still a big question.

................................................................................................................................................

Dean Winchester was suffering from acute case of blue balls. Castiel Milton was the biggest cock tease he had unpleasure of marrying. Being pressurised into the marriage by his father was one thing but now not being able to enjoy his conjugal rights..it was downright frustrating. He always had it easy. Just a bit of charm, flattery and attention, every fucking one was putty in his hands but no, not Mr Ice princess. His first attempt at seduction had failed miserably. He had cornered Castiel against bathroom sink and before he even tried to make a move, he was subjected to long lecture about consent and not being emotionally ready and other bullshit. Sex was like taking a piss or brushing the teeth, Who the hell wants to be emotionally ready to have sex, apparently his frigid husband. After some more unsuccessful attempts to seduce ice princess, he had given up. They hardly got any time to interact with each other being busy with socialising all day and at the of the day, Castiel would end up reading a thickest book possible completely ignoring him. He could not believe he had married the most boring and nerdiest human being in the whole world and he had resorted to find other ways to entertain himself. He had started flirting outrageously with their guests to elicit some reaction from Castiel. His plan was becoming successful because he was completely enjoying stares he received from Castiel when he behaved like that. It came as a completely surprise to him when out of blue Castiel actually asked him about his sexual exploits. Castiel was not such a robot after all. One of his favourite pastime had become riling up Castiel and  ruffling his cool feathers.

Their dinner at Milton's was such a disaster. He knew Miltons were uptight but to watch it in front of his eyes was another thing. He remembered his own family dinners. John was busy most of the time and it was him and Sammy eating whatever the hell they wanted and arguing with food in their mouth and even throwing pizza bits at each other. He could clearly see now why Castiel Milton was ice princess. It looked Stepford family like to him. The grace before the dinner, polite conversations and complete silence at dinner table, no doubt Castiel was poor virgin maybe wearing chastity belt. For a moment, he imagined Castiel losing control with tousled hair, kiss swollen lips and hickeys around the neck lying debauched under him. 

He had intentionally decided to ignore his own father after the wedding and neglected all the messages inviting them to dine with him. He was not ready to face John Winchester yet. The anger and resentment were still simmering inside him and he was afraid he would snap or lose control in front of him. John would be furious with him but he was the only one to blame for his son's conduct.

"Your father called. We are to meet him today at Four Season's."

"What."

John winchester had again proved that he was the master in his game. Using Castiel as a ploy was brilliant move and he could not help admiring his father for that. He had no option but to see him in all his glory.

"He told me that he tried to call you multiple times but you were unavailable."

"I was busy." He could discern the sceptical tone in Castiel's voice.

"So, are we going."

"Of course, I do not want to miss it for anything."

The second consecutive dinner disaster. Do all the family fuck up their children. Thank god, he married a guy. He did not want to screw up another person's life. As usual, John Winchester was in his elements regaling Castiel with stories about his war days and how he built this empire from the scratch conveniently forgetting that his and Sammy's lost childhood was the foundation of Winchester empire. Birthday parties, graduation ceremonies,football games ,Sam's mathlete finals, high school dramas so many little and big occasions that John never attended. The stupid hope in Sammy's voice, "Is Daddy coming?" and his spontaneous lies, "He has important meeting in Cleveland." " He missed his flight." "He sent the flowers." The entire lifetime of covering his father's ass and cherry on the cake was his own fucking wedding.

" _Dean, it is important for company. You know how much it means to me. We are incurring some losses in past few years. The best solution is merger with Miltons by making it all about family."_

"Dean, are you even listening, son?"

"Yes, Sir."

"So what have you planned?"

"Regarding what?"

"I am sorry, Castiel, my son is not that dumb otherwise. I am talking about where you two are planning to go on honeymoon. You two need to spend time alone and enjoy each other's company. I still think of those early wedding days as the best time of my life. We did not have money. We were young and stupid. We just took a car and went on the road trip to Grand Canyon. It was fun."

"It sure does sound like fun."

He had never heard John talking about his marriage before. It was as if the topic of his mother was buried under the ground along with her grave but seeing John opening to Castiel was like opening a festering wound.

"You never told me about it before." he said to John.

"You were not married before." John replied back nonchalantly.

"We never had such a big business opportunity presented before." he retorted back.

"Dean." his father thundered, "You better watch your tongue, son. I apologise for my son, Castiel. He has still not grown up, it seems."

"It's ok. Mr Winchester."

 

"What the hell was that." His father demanded as soon as Castiel excused himself." I am ashamed of this childish behaviour, Dean. You disappointed me today like your younger brother."

"He has a bloody name, father."

He hated the control his father still wielded over him. He had hero worshipped his father blindly since he was a child. John Winchester, a self made man, from a humble mechanic to owner of over 30 companies could do no wrong in his eyes. He wondered how in his blind devotion, had he missed that John Winchester had stopped being his father.

"You are taking some time off and going on damn honeymoon with your husband. Is that clear. You are going to make this marriage work, maybe, this marriage is the only good thing in your life. And Bobby was asking for you."

"Yes, Sir."

Atleast his marriage was good for the company. Who cared for Dean anyway.

He knocked at the door of Bobby's ranch wondering what advice he would be receiving today. Bobby had asked him to come urgently and he had ditched Castiel in some gala event.

"Bobby, open the damn door."

"I am coming, idjit, before you break my door. Guessing from your foul mood, did you meet John recently?"

"Dinner yesterday night."

"It did not go well, I presume."

"Nothing new, Bobby. What is it that you wanted to talk to me about."

"Lidten to me carefully, son. It is about Sam."

"Sam. What is it. Has something happened to him? What are you hiding, Bobby."

"I got the letter from him the week before the wedding. He is absolutely fine, Dean. You don't worry."

"What the fuck, Bobby? You knew all this time where he was and did not even mention to me."

"I was afraid that you will ditch your wedding and run away to find him."

"Where is he?"

"He had heard about your wedding and asked me to give you his best wishes. He still feels guilty about running away like that. He is afraid that you are still angry with him."

"Where is he, Bobby."

"He is in India, Dean. He is doing okay and wants you not to worry about him and enjoy your married life."

Fucking Sammy. It's been months he had been searching for his little brother, worried sick. He had spent so many sleepless nights thinking about every harm and danger that could befell Sam and now suddenly out of the blue, Sammy sends his best wishes. He did not know how to react to this unexpected news.

He returned to find Castiel reading one of the Supernatural books Sammy was obsessed about. He chuckled at the surprising and unexpected coincidence. He used to tease Sammy about his love of those pulpy sci fi books.

"What?" Castiel was saying with his eye brows raised and blue curious eyes boring into him.

"Pack your bags, Cas, we are going on the honeymoon."


	7. The flight

Chapter 7

"So why India of all places?" Castiel asked his increasingly agitated husband as they were sitting in VIP lounge of airport waiting for their flight. He was still adjusting his mind to the fact that they were actually going on a holiday together ever since Dean had dropped bombshell over him. India, that was the last thing he would expect Dean Winchester would think of and it felt suspicious. But he had agreed almost immediately. He wanted Michael and family off his back and he needed the break from monotony of parties and dinner past few days were, he really really wanted to escape and lastly there was some silent desperation in Dean's eyes when he had told him about trip to India that Castiel just couldn't refuse. And here was he now, looking forward to seeing India even if it means spending twenty four hours with obnoxious Dean Winchester.

"I have some business there."

"okay."

Somehow Castiel was not convinced with Dean's curt answer. There was something different about Dean after they had dinner with his father. He had seen a complete different side of Dean that day. An unexplained angst and sorrow, he had felt the same when Dean had first told him about Sam. Sam's disappearance, John's hostility and Dean's bitterness, even he could make out every thing was not right between father and sons. He could catch glimpses of the reason why Dean Winchester agreed to their marriage. It was tragic that both of them were unhappy in this forced bond and could not do anything about it except pretend that they were excited over their honeymoon. The facade was wearing him down thin.

"How can one stay inside the metal container for ten fucking hours. It's torture."

Dean had been fidgeting and muttering in his breath since they had reached the airport.

"Are you afraid of flying?"

"No..I am not afraid of flying. I just hate it."

"Surely, this is not your first time on the flight."

"Maybe."

"Oh my God, it really is your first time. Atleast you are virgin in something."

"Was that supposed to be funny because I am telling you, it was so not funny."

"It was supposed to be ironic. I still can not believe it. How do you travel then?"

"I do not need these death machines. I have my baby. God, I am missing her so much. Her black beautiful body and her intoxicating smell."

"I hope baby is euphemism of what I am expecting it to be."

"Are you jealous, Castiel."

"Do I look something remotely to being jealous."

"You don't have to be jealous of my baby, Castiel. She would love to have you in her back seat."

"You are plain silly and so are your stupid innuendoes.By the way, our flight had been just announced."

"What.. Are you sure. It's fucking time. I need to get drunk."

Castiel so far had seen irritating as hell Dean, shameless flirt Dean and even angsty Dean but this nervous rambling Dean was his favourite Dean version so far. A cool, confident Dean Winchester behaving like a toddler was such a cute thing to watch. Did he really think that Dean ' obnoxious' Winchester was cute. This flight was may be messing with his brains too,

"Don't worry, Dean. The statistics says that there is one in twenty nine million probability of having aeroplane crash and twenty four percent actually survive the crash.

"Really, Rainman. Now is the time to sprout your nerdy statistics."

He smiled at the ashen face of Dean with his smouldering green eyes and freckles on the nose. Had he really missed noticing those freckles all this time. He suddenly had insane desire to taste them and was shocked at his own imagination. It must be the alcohol he was consuming along with Dean who was now practically tipsy.

"Sir, is your husband alright." the impeccably dressed flight attendant asked him with concern in her voice.

"Yes. He is just a nervous flier." he answered back smoothly with Dean hanging on his shoulders.

"Are we there yet.." slurred Dean sitting next to him.

"We have not even started yet, Dean. Please relax. It's gonna be very long flight."

"Just kill me." Dean whined before prompting passing out with his head on Castiel's shoulders, his short spiked hair tickling Castiel's neck.

There was something endearing about this intimacy which he had not found in Dean's attempts at seduction. He had resisted Dean easily. Dean was a complete stranger. Castiel was forced into the marriage arrangement and he still held light for Sam in his heart. But now, something had shifted. He could see an emotional side to hard and rough exterior of his husband. He could see hidden tears in loud laughs. He could see the man behind the persona and he wanted to know more. He wanted to discover another million things about the man dozing off next to him. And one day he would hopefully get the jig saw puzzle called Dean Winchester completely solved.

........................................................................................................................................

He would kill Sam the moment he would meet him for making him fly halfway across the globe. He hated aeroplanes.. Bloody death machines. Hundred people trapped in tin can hanging in the air, what could be anything worst than that. But he had to make it. He had to find his stupid brother even if it meant risking his own life and sanity.

The most surprising part for him was how calmly Castiel had accepted his sudden travelling plans. He had expected anger, flat refusal or even long speech about free will when he had sprung news on Cas but to his astonishment, Cas had said 'okay' and asked him when he should start packing. Castiel, he thought he knew, would not have agreed so easily and would have shown his resentment over Dean's forced decision but it seemed like Cas knew instinctively how important this trip was to Dean, what it meant to him even though he had not breathed a word about Sam to Castiel. He had never felt this unspoken understanding with anyone else except Sammy and of course Sammy knew him inside out because he was his older brother and all but now a man who was a complete stranger to him few days back and whom Dean thought he would never like had done something which Dean had never seen coming and he did not know how to react or feel. Castiel was slowly growing on him. His dorkiness when he had filled half of the suitcase with books or his little habits of neatly folding the clothes and even socks or the faint awkward blush when Dean eyed him leerily or long boring explanations about every thing or even the perfect condescending ice princess glare, Dean had began to enjoy every aspect of Castiel Milton. It was getting tougher for him not to kiss those pouty pink lips till Cas was gasping for air or just pull Cas to the bed and have his way with him. His right hand had not been his greatest companion since high school until now.

"So why India of all places?"

Castiel had finally asked the question he dreaded when they were finally ready to fly. He wanted to tell Castiel the truth. Cas certainly deserved it. But then he had to tell Cas his own crappy life history which he would never be ready to share with anyone else. He would have to tell Cas of those miserable times when nothing he did could make things better between his father and his brother. When he would feel torn between two people he loved who could not see eye to eye and all his attempts to not letting his family break into pieces were unravelling at the seams. And in the end, he was left with one note on his hand.

_Dean_

_I am leaving. I can not take it any longer. I can never be the obedient son. Believe me, I tried and I tried hard. but I can never become you. I have to find my way, Dean, outside of Winchesters. Promise me you would not come looking for me._  
I am sorry but I have to do it.  


_Sam._

"I have some business there."

He had in a way not lied to Cas. He did have some family business. He had to see with his own eyes how Sammy was doing. He had fed Sammy when he was baby, changed his napkins, sang him lullabies, beaten the shit out of boys who bullied his nerdy brother, how could he let Sammy go. He understood Sam's will and desire for identity beyond the Winchester surname. The part of him which had promised his mother to always take care of Sam would never forgive him if he did not see with his own eyes where Sammy was and how was he surviving. Even if it was a closure, he needed it

He was completely drunk when they boarded the plane. When he finally came to sense, he found himself leaning into the shoulder of his sleeping husband. He saw air hostess looking at him curiously.

"Newlyweds going on the honeymoon." he replied to her quizzical look.

After "awwing" over what a cute couple they make, the air hostess said, " I wish you two have best time of your life during the honeymoon.We are going to land at New Delhi international airport very soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so apologetic for big delay in update. I went to vacation which turned into a disaster but now I am back and I hope I will update regularly from now on.


	8. The India

Castiel realised that he was humming as he put on his T shirt and shorts. It was a bit of a shock to realise that he was actually happy for the first time since he got married to Dean. In fact, he was looking forward to their honeymoon or whatever that their stay in India was. He had needed the break from the stifling atmosphere of home. He promised himself that he would not analyse, reanalyse or work up his brains over this trip, he would just lay back and have fun. He would enjoy exploring India and not mention his hot husband who had currently emerged from showers wearing only towel and was dripping water on the carpet.

"Cas, are you even listening to me?"

"What.." He kicked himself in head for being caught staring at Dean's naked body. He had been busy conjuring various scenario of him and Dean in kaamsutra positions in his head, after all he was in the land where the erotic book was written.

"I said what are our plans for today." Castiel heard Dean ask, the bastard was smirking and waggling his eye brows. He had still that stupid flimsy towel on and Cas was finding it hard to stop his eyes from following the drops of water currently dripping down Dean's washer-board abs. Castiel could no longer pretend that he was lusting after Dean Winchester. It made him transport back to his awkward teenage years and clumsy experiments to explore his sexuality. The hurried hand jobs behind the bleachers with star quarterback and groping the breasts of head cheerleaders. He had always been turned on during those days and it seemed that Dean Winchester had awakened the long dormant horny teenager in Castiel. When did it happen among all the quarrels and dinner parties?Few days back, he had found Dean's beefcake body revolting and steroid fuelled but now he wanted to lick it's every bulging muscle. Maybe it was the Indian water. Maybe it was filled with some chemical which ignited Kaamsutra in the brains of poor visitors who drank it.

"Do you think there is something wrong with the water here." he blurted out. Way to go, Castiel. Put your both feet in mouth.

"Why, are you having Delhi Belly, Cas." Dean inquired joking.

"No." Castiel replied with as much dignity he could muster because he was getting distracted by laugh lines crinkling at the end of Dean's eyes.

"How many times you had to go, Cas."

"I was just being cautious. You know, you are horrible human being. God knows why I deign to even talk to you." finally his brain had caught up with other body parts.

"Because you are crazy for me. Just admit it, Cas, that you want to kiss me real bad." Dean was advancing towards him with lazy steps and he still was naked.

"You are so juvenile." he managed to squeak out as Dean crowded him against the bathroom door. He could feel Dean's warm breath against his neck. His fingers were twitching to touch the firmness of the gorgeous body. He badly wanted to give in to his desire. He wanted to forget just for a minute that this was forced on him and he wanted Sam and suddenly the image of Sam with his long floppy hair and hazel eyes crossed his mind and he found strength to shove Dean away from him.

He saw the brief glimpse of hurt in Dean's green eyes before Dean composed himself and drawled, " Sorry to offend your delicate sensibility, ice princess."

His body was still reeling from the effect of Dean's proximity. It was as if his body and his heart had waged the battle between themselves. Castiel could no longer deny the fact that he was getting attracted to Dean. Well, who wouldn't with his movie star looks and body to die for. But, Castiel was a mature, well respected professional. He could easily keep it in his pants if only Dean would only wear a burkha or something. He could not lose himself in blind lust with the man he always found obnoxious. Maybe he should have sex with Dean and get it out of his system and everything would be normal Castiel pondered. There was a major chance that Dean would be obnoxious in bed as well and then he would easily wean off his strong sexual attraction to the man.

"Hello, Earth to Castiel, India, honeymoon..remember." Dean was snapping his fingers at him looking amused, "What were you day dreaming about?"

"This trip without you. How nice it would have been." he retorted back.

"Sorry for disappointing you. Are we ready yet?" Dean was still enjoying at his expense.

"Where are we going?" he was exasperated with Dean's infantile behaviour.

"Something called Jazz Mahal. I did not know they had jazz in India."

"You moron, it's Taj Mahal. It is one of the seven wonders of the world. It is monument of love made by Mughal emperor for his beloved dead wife." He stopped mid rant at the fond and tender look on Dean's face."What, is there anything on my face?"

"You are such a dork." Dean was shaking his head and smiling sweetly at him. Cas could feel his cheeks getting red with embarrassment and desire all mixed in one.

"You are still the same irritable person." he mumbled.

The laughter which followed his words mesmerised him. Dean laughed as if it was the last joke on the earth with openness and with his whole body. It was like watching the sunshine fill up the room or rainbow beaming out of the clouded skies. He could not be any gayer, he realised shaking his head.  
The driver who was taking them to Agra was short stocky guy with large mustache and turban with buck toothed smile. He greeted them boisterously.

"Welcome to India, Sirs, I hope you enjoy your honeymoon. How long should we wait for the ladies."

"What ladies?" Dean asked puzzled.

"The wives, Sir." the man replied politely.

"Whose wife." Dean again questioned.

"Yours and other gentleman's. I was told that I would be driving one honeymoon couple to Agra. I can manage two, of course, that would not be a problem." the man was aplogetic.

"We are the honeymoon couple. This gentleman here is my wife. We are married." Dean proclaimed loudly at the expense of poor man who was now looking at them with open mouth and wide comical eyes.

"Dean. Enough. I am sorry my partner is little crazy in his head." Cas tried to salvage the situation." But you were not informed wrong. We are married."

The man was still looking dazed looking from Dean to Castiel as if he had not made up his mind whether they were joking or not.

"Sense of humour, right. You foreigners are very funny. I like it."

"Should we go now, Mr Driver?" Cas replied. It was no use explaining his marriage situation to stranger when he could not understand it himself. His husband was currently forcing poor driver to play hard metal songs and teaching him about finer aspects of their cacophony. Ever since they had landed in India, Dean had almost become a changed man. He was more free and happy. There were no dark shadows haunting him. He was even looking younger. He was smiling a lot and their banters were veering towards playfulness rather than animosity. Castiel thought that he could easily get along with this new Dean. He could imagine spending time with him anddefinitely would want to know him intimately. It was a shock and relief as Castiel realised that he was ,may be ,falling a little for Dean Winchester. Their honeymoon had just begin and he was surely expecting fireworks in future. He dreamt of Dean's green eyes and his naughty smiles as the voices of Dean and the driver lulled him to sleep.

............................................................................................................................................

As soon as Dean landed in India and breathed the air, he felt free. He was miles away from his father, the family business, the excessive expectations, untold disappointments and insane pressure. His fingers was itching to strum up the tunes from his favourite acoustic guitar he had given up when he was eighteen. He had never felt such lightness before. If he could outstretch his arms, he feared that he would fly. He was going to find Sammy and patch up things between them. He knew his little brother. He would bitch about it first and would not put out in the first date but Sammy, though a giant, was a big softie at the heart. They were brothers after all. However long their fights stretched, they ultimately patched up. Only Sammy would find salvation in this humid and hot place. No, there was one more dork whose eyes had lit up like blue sapphires when they had reached New Delhi. The moment he had observed child like glee in Cas on knowing finally that they were in India, his immediate plan to track Sammy had gone into back seat. He had waited for Sammy all these months so few more days seemed not a gigantic task. Till then, he would enjoy his honeymoon with grumpy old cat who was now purring like a kitten. He did not know that he had weakness for nerdy blue eyed men till he had been up, close and personal with Castiel Milton.

Castiel fascinated him with his snooty attitude and adorable dorkiness. There was not a single mean bone in his body and it was refreshing to know someone who was as honest and transparent. The guy who said that eyes were windows to soul might have met Cas and fallen for him too. Being heir to Winchester Empire, it was ingrained inside Dean never to trust someone and people always wanted something in return if they were trying to help you. Give and take, quid pro quo, that was plain business but with Castiel, it was what you see what you get. There was one thing Dean hated the most, it was lies. He tried to be sincere in life as he was in his business dealing and lies had no place in his life and to have husband as good as Castiel was totally unexpected gift.

Technically he had not lied to Cas when he had told him that he was going to India on family business but he was not forthcoming too. The guilt of keeping secret from Cas was pricking him but he had told Cas about Sammy and it would be surprise for Cas to meet Sammy. He could already imagine how close those two would certainly become bonding over all the geek stuff. Maybe, Cas would persuade Sammy to return with them. It was strange but warming to think Cas as his family. The ice princess had wormed his way into Dean's life and he had even started planning the future with Cas and he had not even slept with him yet.

It was the first time in Dean Winchester's promiscuous life that he did not have sex with guy he had known for more than two weeks. And in spite of getting frustrated, Dean was actually enjoying it. He loved that he could make Cas fluster and reddish tinge of Cas's cheeks were the sight for which he was willing to go to hell and back. He did not want sex with Cas rather he wanted to take his time and make love to Cas. He would worship every inch of creamy skin and taste every part of Cas's sinful body. He could not believe his eyes when he saw Cas without his clothes on for the first time. The lean body with sinewy muscle and the face of an angel, Castiel Milton was way beyond his league. He adored the fact that how unaware Cas was of his own sexual appeal. Dean could not help admit the fact that he had not met someone like Castiel Milton in his whole life.

They were going to Taj Mahal and Cas was already swooning over it like a teenage girl. Their driver, Balbir Singh had already waxed eloquent over beauty of the monument.  
After getting over shock at the thought of two men getting married, Balbir Singh had quickly recovered or may be, he still believed that they were joking. Anyway, it was fun to watch grown man squirm when he tried to touch Cas inappropriately but it was Cas's icy and disapproving gaze which made him stop and sulk like child.

It was full moon when they finally reached Taj Mahal. The monument built of white marbles was bathed in moonlight and glittering like a jewel. Dean stood before the majestic building speechless at its fragile beauty. Cas had told him that it was made by a mad emperor in the memories of his dead wife as a symbol of his love. Their love had become immortal as the building which had stood ravages of time. They say that after making Taj Mahal, the emperor had cut off the hands of workers and sculptors so that it could never be replicated by anyone else. Such was the mad, deep and obsessive love of a man towards his beloved. He could not help remembering his father distraught grief at the sudden death of Mary, the love of his life. He wondered how it was like love some one so deeply and being loved in return.

"A solitary tear drop on the cheek of the time. That's how poet Tagore described it." he heard Cas's voice behind him.

He looked at Cas against the background of the monument of love. Cas's eyes were gleaming like diamonds and soft awed smile was playing on his lips like chords of guitar. The silver waves of river Yamuna were reflecting the silver moon and white marbled Taj Mahal and Cas was standing before him like a heavenly creature not belonging to this mortal and moribund world. It was surreal and humbling at the same time. There was cold gentle breeze and someone was playing music far away, Dean had never felt such peace and calmness ever. The magic was in the air and he wanted to share this feeling..this unexplained feeling of fulfilment and longing at the same time. It felt like home. There standing with Cas in far most corner of the world facing this symbol of love, Dean was home.

He smiled at Cas, a smile filled with promises which was answered by Cas's dancing blue eyes. Years later, Dean would try to recall, how exactly it happened. Whether it was he who initiated first or was it Cas or they both reached for each other the same time. What he would always remember for sure was the second his lips touched Cas's, he had fallen in love with him. Cas lips were as soft as he had dreamt. His lips opened to Dean as if they contained ancient secrets from the past and Dean was drowning in the taste, touch and sound of Cas. His lips were meant to kiss Cas and his arms to hold him tightly. At that moment in infinitesimal time and space, he and Cas belonged together just like the Mughal emperor and his beloved queen long time ago.

"Umm.. Hmm... Sirs it's time to go."

It was only when Cas pushed away from him, Dean realised that they were not alone. Their poor driver was clearing his throat looking red and trying his best not to stare.

"We should better go." Cas was speaking and slight raspy tone of his voice was indication of what had just happened along with pink swollen mouth and dishevelled hair. This was the image what Dean wanted to see before sleeping or on waking up from now onwards till he died.

"What if I want to stay here with you forever."

"I do not know what are you rambling about. It is getting late. Balbir Singh is patiently waiting for us and we need to see other places. There is Agra Fort nearby. It was built in 16 century by Mughal emperors to keep their enemies at bay. It has ....."

"So it goes, Princess." He could not stop himself from grinning at the inane chatter of his husband who was rattling off facts and was fidgeting nervously. He had never seen Cas lose control and he was secretly pleased with himself for the cause of it." We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."

"Did you just quote Vonnegut to me." Cas was looking at him incredulously.

"Well, you quoted some poet to me too."

All the business successes and acquisitions, luxury sports cars, meatiest hamburgers, tightest piece of ass had never given him as happiness and pleasure as something resembling half smile on the face of his husband and his soft voice, "That was Tagore."

"Whatever, princess."

He brushed past Cas towards their car knowing Cas was following him close. Before opening the car, he turned back to see the splendour of Taj Mahal once again to embed its heavenly sight in his mind forever. He could notbelieve that he had finally found love in this majestic monument of love. All he had to do was prove it to Cas and Dean Winchester was up for any challenge.


	9. Friendship

 

  
The tingling of his lips were the evidence that the kiss was for real and was not his imagination. How the hell did that happen? Of course the logical part of his mind already had hundred explanations for it. But what he had actually felt, when Dean's lips had touched his, could not be described in words. He was not naive to art of kissing, in fact Castiel considered himself quiet an expert on it but what had happened in moonlit Taj Mahal was the stuff fairy tales were made off. Like the rising tides on the full moon, his heart had soar high and touched a piece of magic. Dean had looked ethereal with his green eyes and pale freckles like some pagan god demanding to be worshiped and he had touched those perfect Cupid's bows shaped lips with reverence. At that moment, he had forgotten what a juvenile irascible man Dean Winchester was. His natural beauty had blinded Castiel to the man's sins but now when the magic was over, he was still coming to terms with the fact that he had indeed kissed Dean. How could he kiss one brother while pining for another. Castiel never left his control. The one time he had been swept off his feet was when he saw Sam and another time was during Taj Mahal. There must be something supernatural about Winchester brothers that they were capable of making him, Castiel Milton, act like an complete fool. Maybe he could put 'the kiss' in the back of his mind under the box called mistakes. He had given in to the enormity of the moment and scenery. And now in the broad daylights, his mind wandered to another imagery, that of same breath taking Taj Mahal bathed in moon light and Castiel holding hands with Sam. Sam with his chiselled features as if the god had sculpted him with his own hands and left the dimples on the cheeks as his signature. If only it would have been Sam he had kissed, the fairy tale would have come alive for him. Why was he missing Sam so much? Was it because of the guilt or the fact he believed he had cheated on Sam with his own brother or was it the other way around.? He was fantasising about Sam while being married to Dean. He had to put his emotions in check before they explode like a dynamite.

It was easy to accept that he was sexually attracted to Dean after all he was the man in his prime with libido and Dean was good looking. All over the world people do get sexually attracted to other every passing second but what mattered was whether they were acting on their attraction or not. He had always been proud of the fact that he never had one night stand. The sex without feeling was just a food without flavours. He knew he was capable of keeping his libido in check when it came to one Dean Winchester. But something had happened to their relationship since they had landed in India, something so subtle that when Dean ordered the coffee for him exactly the way he liked it, it was like a jolt to him. How Dean had managed to learn his idiosyncrasies among all the quibbles and fights they had. How he had started putting his pillows on Dean's bed unconsciously knowing the fact Dean loved a lot of pillows around him while sleeping. How natural it had become bickering over the space in the hotel sink while shaving or sleeping on each other's shoulders while travelling. The physical part of his marriage was easy to explain but these random things were beyond his control. It was as if Dean and him had found a rhythm with each other like two instruments finally finding a tuning. How his marriage had segued from unwillingness to tentative acceptance was remarkable even to his reasonable brain.

"Hey Cas,you sleeping."

"I was until now."

"You are certainly not a morning person. Are you?"

"I was till I got married and realised that I have to see your face every time I woke up."

"Whose face you wanted to see then, dude. Because I have been told so many times that I have face to die for."

Your brother's. His mind sighed. It was Sam he had wanted to wake up to. All his silly day dreams seemed like they happened a lifetime ago. His stupid notion that he had met his soul mate in overcrowded hall filled with geeks with costumes. The easy laughs and the conversation which did not seem to end after endless refills of coffee. It was so natural for him to fall in love with Sam like they were meant to be. And then one simple lie had ruined everything. He still wondered why Sam had felt the need to lie about his name. And now he was with real Dean and it was so complicated.

"What is it, princess. Why are your wrinkling your forehead for?"

"Excuse me."

"You know when you try to think hard, these small wrinkles appear on your forehead."

"Just like around your eyes when you are laughing obnoxiously."

"Oh my, I did not know I was watched so seriously."

"Shut up, Dean. What are our plans for today."

"I have decided to let Balbir decide that."

"You mean, Balbir Singh, our driver."

"No, I meant Balbir, my pal."

"Oh, he is your pal now."

"Someone is jealous."

"You are impossible to live with."

He could not stay angry at Dean. Dean had hundred ways to irritate him and thousand ways to make him smile or at least bang his head with amusement. He was full of life and energy and you could not help sharing his enthusiasm.  
"Hey Cas, I know we started on wrong foot. We were forced into this relationship which both of us never wanted. But now I think, maybe, we could make some amends and enjoy it while it lasts. I mean to say, atleast be friends with each other. So, what do you say, do you want to be my pal too."

Dean would never stop amazing him. Be it quoting Kurt Vonnegut or singing Metallica songs loud or eating a whole hamburger in one bite. But this extension of friendship done in such a delicate and vulnerable way was sure way to melt his heart. He had never seen Dean Winchester so nervous and unsure before. Even when Dean was with his father, he knew what he wanted. It came spontaneously out of his mouth even before his brain processed the question.

"Yes, of course."

And the smile in return with lines crinkling around the eyes was a reward itself. But then why he was looking for the dimples to make their appearance.

............................................................................................................................................

Dean could see his husband wallowing over the kiss. By now he had started observing various quirks of Castiel Milton and one of his favourite was when Cas thought hard, he scrunched his face and with furrowed forehead he looked so adorable like a puppy. For him what had happened at the Taj Mahal was spontaneous and blissful and he definitely wanted repeats of it. It had also made Dean realise how important Cas was becoming to him. For Dean the family and friends were everything. He made few friends but kept them forever. He was even willing to sacrifice everything for the people he loved most. Who would have thought snarky mathematics professor with really good looks would make it to the list. But it had actually happened. Dean was in danger of falling in love with Castiel. Sometimes life springs up unexpected surprises. Behind all that icy and wry demeanour, Cas was honest and straightforward person. His inherent goodness lurked out of his bright blue eyes and on the plus side, Cas was not a terrible kisser in fact he was quite gifted. Dean's life had been full of turbulence and chaos oscillating between demands of his father and needs of Sammy but with Castiel he had discovered stillness and calm. There was almost zen like quality in Cas which he appreciated the most and like a child denied his favourite candy, he loved to ruffle Cas.

He could not contain his happiness when Cas accepted his clumsy proposal of friendship. It was a start, just baby steps. He remembered the bitterness of their wedding day and wondered where all that angst and frustration disappeared. His and Cas relationship was on the right track now and soon he was going to be reunited with Sammy, what more could he ask for. Maybe Cas would persuade Sammy to return back to America. Sammy would never listen to Dean's orders but Cas's charms could work. He could imagine living with Cas and Sammy under one roof having fun and even his father would not spoil it. For the first time in his life, the future was looking bright and sunny.

"You two are really married then. It was not a joke, Sir."

The hesitant voice of their driver, Balbir Singh broke his reverie. It seemed that Balbir Singh had finally recovered shock from seeing a man kissing another.

"Of course, Balbir Singh. We are legit." He proclaimed loudly to the snort of Cas.

"But how do you, I mean.." Balbir Singh was still shy and very uncomfortable.

"I never knew you would be interested in how boys make love, you sly dog." Dean smirked enjoying making their Indian friend blush to his roots.

"Dean, stop embarrassing him. I am sorry for my husband's outrageous behaviour."

"it's okay Sir, I meant..I meant when two men get married, how do you have children." Balbir spluttered.

"Oh that, Cas here has some special equipment for it. He makes a pretty wife, don't you think so?" He asked innocently. It was becoming more funnier to see Cas's bitch face. God, how it reminded him of Sammy.

"Again I apologise for Dean's infantile attempt at humour." Cas scolded.

"I think you are the prettier one, Sir." Balbir Singh replied.

And to Dean's astonishment, Cas was laughing with his head thrown back and hands on his stomach even Balbir Singh was guffawing at his expense.

"Balbir Singh, you disappoint me. Let me remind you that I am rugged and handsome."

"I agree to disagree, sir."

"shut up and tell us where we are going next."

They were going Jaisalmer, a small town located in the Thar desert. They were staying in old traditional houses called havelis. The men folks were wearing colourful big turbans.

"It's traditional to wear turbans. It is sign of respect. The people here are called Rajputs and they are famous for dying in the name of honour." Cas explained to him.

"Seems like my kind of men."

They were spending the evening in desert camps. There was golden sun lighting on fire the sand dunes of Thar. Rajput women were wearing colourful traditional dresses and dancing gracefully to the tunes of melodious music. There was fun and frolic in the hot and dry air . The reddish blue sky of the dusk was in contrast with vibrant colours of people. It was as if the fables from Arabian nights had come alive with vivid hues and colour. And amidst all this sat Cas wearing green turban too big for his head and swaying his head gently to the music. Dean would have laughed at that oddity if Cas was not looking so ethereal and native.  
This here on this beautiful country with the man he was beginning to fall in love, he felt he had found true happiness. All the sacrifices he made for his family and all the times when he put his happiness on the back burner, all those moments were tiny blips in the radar because his destiny was leading him to the moment where he would meet Castiel.

"Aren't you going to dance, Sir."

"Of course, Balbir my man."

"This is traditional folk dance for Rajput women. You can not go and just barge in there."

"Really Cas, where it is written that you can not dance. Music is music and dance is universal language. Let me teach these ladies a step or two. Right, Balbir."

"Show them some solid rock moves, Sir."

As the golden drop of sun dropped from the horizon and pale moonlight spread its wings, Dean danced with abandon. These are the times to be cherished when your soul comes alive in the wilderness of desert. He was completely immersed in the now with no burden of past and no care for future. Tomorrow they would go to Rishikesh and meet Sammy but today,it was just Cas and him and the mighty sand dunes of Rajasthan.


	10. The journey

"So, Mr Winchester, Where are we heading next?" Castiel asked Dean after their beautiful sojourn in the Thar Desert. He had no idea where they were going and yet he was feeling relaxed. He had been the most meticulous planner in his family. Even his father and Michael paled in the comparison. For him, holidays meant planning in advance, booking the tickets and hotel reservations months before and making a complete itinerary with side notes. He had never travelled impromptu before coming to India and he could say he was loving every moment of it.

The unpredictability of their journey and thrill of discovering a new place was rejuvenating. All he had to do was sit in the damn car and let Dean take him wherever he wanted. Jaisalmer was pleasant experience specially watching Dean dancing with the locals. The best part was hot spicy food they were offered which he had refused politely and Dean had gobbled up enthusiastically. Dean's face had gotten red as tomato and watching him squirm like a cat on hot tin roof was one of the funniest moments of this trip.

"The next part is the big secret, Princess. My lips are sealed."

"Ok. Where are we heading next, Balbir Singh."

"To Rishikesh, Sir."

"Balbir Singh, you traitor. You were supposed to keep it a secret. You have lost yourself a hefty tip, dude."

"Don't worry, Balbir Singh. You have won yourself even bigger one from me."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Dude, you are such a back stabbing bastard. You were supposed to be my confidant and friend. You disappoint me."

"I am sorry, Sir you know what they say about pretty ones. They should never be trusted."

It was pleasing listening to banter between Dean and the driver.The wind on his face, long unwinding dusty roads, exotic locales and unknown destination, this was the road trip Cas would never have imagined in his dreams. He had planned his honeymoon with Sam to Scandinavian islands to the very last minute but what he was having instead was incomparable. Dean was surprisingly amazing companion. Making up silly games like counting the cows on the road or doing bizarre things sharing a hookah with ninety year old man or even singing out loud Bollywood songs with their driver, there was not a single moment when Castiel felt bored or even tired.

They were becoming friends and the smiles he shared with Dean was causing warm fuzzy feelings in his stomach. How far they had come from their stuffy wedding and overbearing families. They were chained to each other forced by people they loved but in this exotic country with colourful people and rich traditions, he was free and ready to bond with Dean on his own terms. This was who Dean really was, when ripped away from vestiges of his obligations, a free spirited, fun loving, loyal man with propensity to make bad jokes. And Castiel was happy to be friends with him.

"Are you married Balbir Singh?" He asked their Indian friend while stopping at gas station. Dean had gone for bathroom break.

"Fifteen years, Sir. I was twenty one and my wife was eighteen." Balbir Singh replied with fond look in his face.

"You knew her before marriage?" He asked.

"Hell no, Sir. I had not even seen her face before I got married. My parents had arranged the match."

"Were you not afraid that she might be not the one? I mean, she was complete stranger to you. What if you two did not get along."

"She was the one, Sir. Haven't you heard the saying that the marriages are made in heaven. So what I did not know her before I got married but in my heart and soul, she was my wife the day our parents fixed the match. And what relationship does not go through up and downs. We have our fights but at the end of the day when I go back from work, she is waiting for me at dinner hungry and anxious. The look in her eyes when I come home from long trips is enough to tell me that she missed me. She is mother of my two sons and one daughter. How could I ever doubt that she is the one. After fifteen years of marriage, it's small gestures that count not the declaration of love."

Castiel marvelled at the simple yet profound words of Balbir Singh. His parents marriage was an arrangement too but it always remained an arrangement. No small gestures or displays of love just cordial words and etiquette. His parents never took a chance on each other and so they could never accept each other. It was just a leap of faith and Balbir Singh was brave enough to jump into this ring of fire whereas his parents were too blind and scared to test waters but what about him? He had always maintained that he would not commit to the marriage until he found the one but now everything was cesspool of confusion and emotions. Maybe life answers were simple and uncomplicated like Balbir's logic. Maybe they were the ones who make it complex. Maybe it is like Rubric's cube and you have to find your own logic to solve it. You spend chasing away an impossible dream like a mirage and what you really want is within your grasp all the time. You have to reach out and take it.

"You are a good man, Balbir Singh."

"I never knew two men could be together like lovers. For me it was unnatural and rather too difficult to digest but when I see both of you together, somehow it makes sense. Like in my head it's bizarre but my heart says how perfect those two are with each other. The way Mr Dean looks at you, Sir, I know what that look means because I see it in my wife's eyes every day. In the end it's all about love. Nobody wants to die alone."

"Thank you, Balbir Singh." Cas replied softly. The words of the driver had touched him deep inside his heart. It would be so easy falling in love with Dean, taking that leap of faith and accepting the vows he had taken as easily as he had accepted the friendship of Dean. Was he ready yet. Could he forget that electrifying feeling when he saw Sam or the madness of the months pining for him and knowing that they would be together soon and that desperation of the night before the wedding when he saw his dreams crashing down. No, he was not there yet. What he could do meantime was enjoy this trip wholeheartedly and just plain relax.

...................................................................................................... .........................................

Behold the eighth wonder of the world, Castiel Milton having fun. The guy Dean married who had something stuck up his ass so big that he looked perpetually constipated had finally forsaken his thick boring books and was actually joking around with Balbir Singh. Well, it definitely did reduce the age from Cas's face making him look so young and fresh that seeing him made Dean's heart ache with sweet pain. He had seen all the Miltons whose idea of the fun included maybe a game of bridge and discussing politics in leather sofas in their monstrous library. Gabriel Milton was exception though which only proved the rule that Miltons did not know how to enjoy themselves. He could imagine little Cas taking his piano lessons or pony lessons or whatever but never playing in rain or wrestling in mud. All of the Sammy's milk teeth were gone courtesy Dean. He never had to go to dentist to get them removed and Dean could still see scar from bite marks on his shoulders. He could bet Cas and his brothers never jostled with each other for anything. He had given Sammy his first beer when Sammy was sixteen though may be he should not brag about that one.

"What do you do for fun?" Since Cas was in good mood and all, Dean felt compelled to ask the question.

"I do have a lot of hobbies like reading, listening to music or collecting first editions of all the great books." Cas replied his face lighting up like the Christmas tree.

"You are such a nerd. what about travelling to unknown places with real hot guy?" He teased or was he flirting.

"Oh that's my favourite. The best trip I took was river trail around Amazon with this native guy who was every guy man's wet dream come true." Cas answered with smirk.

It stung like bee hearing Cas describe the attributes of some guy he had fun with. He was certainly jealous. He had never felt jealous before it was complete alien feeling for him. He could not imagine somebody else touching Cas.

"So you and that guy..huh." He tried to sound cool about it but deep down he felt like confronting that guy and tearing his limbs.

"That was pretty good while it lasted. The guy had encyclopaedic knowledge of local flora and fauna."

"So you and the hot guy spent time discussing local flora and fauna?"

"Not always." Cas protested and it was cute.

"If I were you, I would have spent all the time having hot monkey sex with hot guy instead going searching for bloody leaves and snakes." Dean said sagely.

"Who said I did not have hot monkey sex?" Cas replied hotly.

"You did. Good for you, Cas. Though a bit kinky for you." Dean replied winking at Cas and watching him blush. This was fun.

Cas huffed muttering something about tolerating "Neanderthals".

"Sorry to disturb you, Sirs, the car is having some engine trouble, we have to stay at nearby hotel for tonight. Tomorrow, we will head to Rishikesh."

The place they were staying overnight was a greasy small hotel and it had one available room with single bed.

"I can sleep on the couch." Dean offered looking at the gaudy bright pink wallpapers with tobacco stains.

"That couch looks like bed bugs are crawling in it. We can share a bed. It's for one night only and I promise I would keep my hands off your sexy body."

"I doubt you would be able to resist me."

"I will try my best."

Dean did not know when their tentative friendship blossomed into innocent flirting but he was enjoying this new dynamics. It was as if they were rediscovering each other again. Dean really wished that instead of forced upon each other, he and Cas had maybe met in the bar. He would have certainly hit on Cas. Cas was sexy and beautiful and he would have played hard to get but Dean knew he would have won Cas over in the end. This was not the first time he had imagined to meet Cas in entirely different circumstances. He could only curse the fate.

"Hey Cas, guess what I got from the seedy hotel manager." He procured a pipe from his pocket. The manager had waggled his eyebrows at Dean when he asked for boiled water and given him the packet " for fun."

"Are you serious. Is it a pot." Cas eyebrows had reached his head on seeing it.

"Nah, it's ganja. More potent." He smiled.

"Are you trying to get us in the jail in a foreign country." Cas asked incredulously.

"It's not a crime here. What's wrong in having a little bit of fun." He tried to appease his sulking husband.

"I can't believe this. Is it good."

"The best."

Dean had never thought that he and Cas would end up smoking ganja in their dirty little room of seedy motel in one of the small town of India. But there they were giggling like teenage girls in the drug haze.

"I never thought prissy little bitch like you would actually try ganja."

"Your company has maybe ruined me for life."

"Hey, I am the coolest dude."

"Okay, big Lebowski, keep you voice down or we would be arrested."

"What happens if we get arrested smoking pot."

"The embassy would inform our respective families and then they would swarm over with disappointment and disapproval."

"I don't care a damn."

" I don't know. I tried to be the obedient one but the expectations were too high. I hated the fact that my future was already set before I was born. I was scion of Milton's family born with silver spoon in my mouth and silver chains on my leg."

"You did good though."

"It was not easy fighting for your dreams at every step, being compared to your ideal elder brother and ignored at family dinners for wanting different things."

"Atleast you had your family dinners. For the long time dinner for me meant eating Mac and cheese with Sam while John Winchester was busy making his empire."

"I am sorry, Dean."

" Here to the shitty fathers."

"Amen."

They had slept passed out on the bed. The loud knock on the door finally woke up Dean. Cas was still sleeping with his head on Dean's shoulders. It was the closest Dean had come to touching Cas. The pins and needles sensation on his arm was hurting a bit but Dean did not care. With his other hand, he softly ruffled the Cas's hair. They were as silky as he had imagined. He felt the flutter of movement from Cas and could feel his warm breath on his jaw. The close proximity was giving naughty ideas to his treacherous body. He did not want Cas wake up to see Dean's hard on. He tried to extricate himself as gently as possible eliciting a groan from Cas which went straight to Dean's groins. There was no way he could control his burgeoning erection in front of Cas.

"Cas, wake up, rise and shine, Princess." He nudged Cas.

"Wassup, where are we." Cas was rubbing his eyes babbling incoherently.

"India, remember. Balbir Singh is one minute away from breaking the door. We better hurry." He longed to kiss the sleepiness and confusion away from Cas's face. He wanted to take Cas in his arms and never let him go even if it meant spending the rest of their lives in shitty room eating spicy food. He had never felt this possessiveness for anybody. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time. He wanted, needed Cas as he had never needed anyone before. How could a dorky little professor of mathematics worm his way into Dean's heart and make his place there permanently, Dean could only wonder. Even if Cas rejected him or even left him, Cas was it for Dean.

The remaining journey to Rishikesh was quiet and subdued except the times when Cas glanced at Dean and smiled his enigmatic smile. It made Dean want to jump from cliff or trek all the way to Antartica or do other impossible things. Sam would know from the look on his face and then he would have to endure Sam's pathetic jokes about being whipped.

"Here we are, Sir, our final destination.. The holy city of Rishikesh." Balbir Singh declared happily.

"So, what's the big surprise about Rishikesh. Are you becoming ascetic or something." Cas inquired.

It was time for the surprise to unfold.

"You remember me telling you that we are going to India on family business.."

"Yeah."

"Well, it was more about the business of family. I mean."

"What the hell that supposed to mean?"

"Sammy, Cas. My younger brother, Sam who ran away before our marriage. I want you to meet him and maybe put a little sense into his gigantic head to return back with us."

"Are you saying Sam is here in Rishikesh."

"I am saying that right now we are standing outside the place where he is staying. Let's beat the shit out of him for leaving me. What do you say. Do you like my surprise, Castiel Milton. Wait till you meet him, I swear, he is just like you in dorkiness. I bet you would fall in love with him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ganja in India means marijuana.


	11. Meeting Sam

Chapter eleven

 

As they left the desert terrain of Thar and moved towards the mighty Himalayas, Castiel felt a sense of peace and calm. Of course, he should have known that it was the calm before the storm. The big looming mountain peaks and the gurgling noise of holy Ganges river and loopy turns of road and Dean dozing against the window of the car, Castiel had been happy and content. The night before had been epic. He and Dean had smoked ganja and literally talked for hours. Though he had been high but he still felt unhappy and lonely childhood in Dean's voice like his soft skin under his fingertips. Underneath all the bravado and heroism, Dean was the man who needed love but was left behind alone by his distant father and runaway brother. When he had first laid his eyes on Dean, Castiel had found him to be aesthetically beautiful with bewitching green eyes, perfect lips and jawline as if he had been carved by a sculptor and he had arrogance of the man who knew the power of his charms. Now Castiel was seeing Dean with all his vulnerabilities exposed and all layers peeled off and for the first time Castiel was touched by the beauty of the man. The thought that he had finally solved the puzzle that was Dean Winchester made him smile only to realise in solving this jig saw puzzle, he had entangled and lost himself in the maze.

"Here we are, Sir, our final destination.. The holy city of Rishikesh." Balbir Singh declared happily.

"So, what's the big surprise about Rishikesh. Are you becoming ascetic or something." Castiel inquired. He was curious by the unbound enthusiasm Dean had shown towards Rishikesh. He was as excited as an adorable puppy and Castiel could not wait to see the surprise stored away in this small town.

"You remember me telling you that we are going to India on family business.."

"Yeah." He replied distinctly recalling overwrought Dean telling him that they were going to India.

"Well, it was more about the business of family. I mean."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Sammy, Cas. My younger brother, Sam who ran away before our marriage. I want you to meet him and maybe put a little sense into his gigantic head to return back with us."

Sam. Dean's brother Sam. Sam who told Castiel that he was Dean and dimpled his way into Cas's heart only to break it into thousand pieces. Sam who shared the love of supernatural with him and left him with dreams of love. Sam with his open laughs and Lord of the rings references. Sam with love of mythologies and black coffee without sugar. Sam who Castiel had met for only ninety five minutes and twenty six seconds and imagined a lifetime with. Was Dean implying that he was here in India all this time.

"Are you saying Sam is here in Rishikesh."

"I am saying that right now we are standing outside the place where he is staying. Let's beat the shit out of him for leaving me. What do you say. Do you like my surprise, Castiel Milton. Wait till you meet him, I swear, he is just like you in dorkiness. I bet you would fall in love with him."

Sorry Dean you lost the bet Castiel thought, hehad already fallen in love with Sam. He saw the old brick two storied building with Ganges flowing by loudly. There was a big banyan tree in courtyard with its numerous roots hanging and holding the nest of sparrows and a garden filled with orange yellow marigold flowers like the explosion of sun rays. Here, amidst the chirping birds, gurgling rivers and snow capped peaks and quaint old crotchety building, Sam was living and breathing while Castiel hadwaited like a fool for his one glimpse on his wedding day just a month back and now when he had almost decided to let Sam go, he was meeting Sam again not as stranger but as his elder brother's husband. The fate had not still not stopped playing cruel jokes on him.

"Dean, oh my god, is that you."

He heard Sam's voice before he saw him sprinting like a mad man and enveloping his brother in his huge arms and pulling him off the ground and Castiel could not lie to himself that Sam was as breathtaking as ever more so than the Sam of his imagination. The tropical sun had tanned his skin brown and his hair were same floppy cascades of chocolate and that bedazzling smile with promise of dimples around the corner.Sam was still the same giant adorable puppy who had stopped his breath once and was still making Cas breathless.

"Put me down, you gigantic jerk." Dean was shouting with fake anger but his eyes were dancing and there were as clear as the sky with shadows of pain evaporating at the sight of his brother.

"What the hell, Dean, Aren't you supposed to be married or something. What are you doing here, you bitch."

"I am here for you, Sammy and I am also on my honeymoon."

"What, I can not believe that you got married, Dean. I am dying to meet the man who finally put some sense inside you. I am so happy, man."

He was mute spectator of the brothers bonding with each other and was acutely missing Anna and Gabe. He wondered how his siblings were and reminded himself to call them as soon as he had time that he missed his introduction by Dean and suddenly Sam turned to look at him.  
Those catlike hazel eyes were on him and Castiel could see the confusion and realisation both at once in those eyes. How many times had he wished for those eyes to look at him again. His world was once again being reduced to Sam. So much had passed since then yet he here he was, still the same stricken babbling mess in front of Sam.

"Oh my god, Castiel Milton, you are married to my idiot brother. Am I dreaming or is it a hallucination . Can somebody please pinch me. Aww, Dean."

"Well, you asked."

"Bitch. When did you get so lucky to land somebody like him. Hey, Castiel, remember me, we met at Carver Edlund's book signings. We were the only ones with whole set of books. This must be fate or something, now you are my brother in law. I am so psyched right now. Tell me everything, how you two met. No, wait , let me guess ,Dean must have hit on you and pestered you for a date and you took pity on him or was it other way around. I am dying to know more. Are you hungry or tired. Oh my god, I have not even offered. Please come in. I am such an idiot. I am so happy to meet you again, Castiel. You are the reason I chose to visit India. We were talking about mythologies and ancient civilisations and you said India had such a rich history. Am I rambling like an madman. Please tell me to stop."

"You told me your name was Dean."

"What.."

"You don't remember that. You introduced yourself as Dean."

He could not hold himself back. He had to ask Sam. He had to know why Sam would tell him that he was Dean. Sam's little lie had turned Castiel's life upside down. It had shattered his dreams and broken him in so many ways. His head was screaming to know the answer. Had Sam not lied, Castiel would not have agreed to this marriage and he would have had never met. Dean, his unwilling husband who did not know why Castiel had said yes to this marriage. Dean who was completely ignorant of the fact that Castiel and Sam knew each other and who was looking at them with his inquisitive green eyes.

"Wait, you two know each other."

"As Sam said before, we met at Carver Edlund's book signing but Sam told me that his name was Dean Winchester."

"I told you my name was Dean Winchester? I don't remember it. Well, I think may be because I had run away from Dad and wanted some anonymity. Wait, that's how you two met? You thought I was Dean and then you met the real Dean. I think you two should be grateful to me for my lying played a major part in your love story."

It was ironical that Sam did not even remember lying about his name. A lie which torpedoed his and Dean's life, Sam did not even know that he said it. Castiel chuckled bitterly and cursed the day he met Sam Winchester. He had conjured his future with the guy who had casually fed him fallacies just to about forget it. The worst part of this was that Castiel still could not hate Sam -the cause of his misery. He had dreamt fervently of the day when he would meet Sam again. It was supposed to be their wedding day. While Castiel married the wrong brother, Sam was busy exploring the world and spending time in India that too on Cas's advice. And now Sam thought that he and Dean had fallen in love and their marriage was based on mutual love and respect, when the truth was that Sam's lie was the foundation of which Dean and Castiel's crumbling marriage. So yes, Sam should take full credit for forcing two people who loved him into this farce. Here was Sam Winchester grinning and showing off his dimples, pleased as punch to see his brother, and Castiel so wanted to hate him and berate him but this giant man child still had hold on his heart. God, Castiel was so pathetic and masochistic that he was willing to forgive Sam his biggest sin that had ruined two lives.

"No, Sammy. That's not how it went."

Dean..it was Dean's voice and his words, they felt so cold and distant. Hearing them was like swallowing lead and Castiel could feel them settling in his stomach, lining his insides with heaviness. The fact descended on him like a shroud of darkness that Dean knew. Dean had finally found out the truth. Sam was not the only who had lied. The omission of truth was as good as lying itself. Dean had always talked about Sammy in wistful tones talking about their childhood stories and fights. Castiel had listened to it all never ever opening his mouth, never telling Dean that he knew his brother and he was madly in love with his brother. The more he kept quiet about it, the deeper he buried the truth inside him. He knew one day Dean would come to know about it but he could never have imagined the truth to tumble out in this way and in front of Sam.

Castiel was tongue tied. He could not think of a single thing to say.. There was an awkward silence like they were in a play and all three characters had forgotten their lines. He had never felt so inept even in company of his polished father and Michael. He felt too guilty to look at Dean whose words had torn him. He recalled waking up this morning with Dean pressed close to him and smiling at him with mischief in his eyes. He had looked so happy, fresh, young and beautiful. All through out their trip to India, Dean had chirped about the big surprise and wanted Castiel to be part of it. The carefree, fun loving Dean, that magical and ethereal kiss in Taj Mahal, the slow but steady friendship they had built with each other. Now everything was crumbling around him. The Dean who was standing before him looked broken and betrayed and for the first time in his life, Castiel was filled with self loathing for being responsible for it.

Who was to blame for the mess which had been created around them Castiel wondered. He had no control of his feeling anymore. Mere fifteen minutes had passed and Castiel was fatigued by the emotional roller coaster that these minutes were.

"Hey, Sam, are they your guests." A tall beautiful blonde emerged from the house squinting at them.

"Hi Jess, yeah meet my brother and his husband." Sam replied shyly to the girl. It appeared that Sam had a little bit crush on the girl and Castiel felt a surge of jealousy inside him.

"The famous Dean Winchester. What a pleasure meeting you in flesh. Sam has regaled us with your great exploits." She was smiling at Dean warmly.

"Nothing bad, I suppose." Dean winked back.

"Jess, do you remember me talking about the great and handsome guy I met in supernatural convention, who was like my guarding angel. Here he is, Castiel Milton, my brother's husband," Sam prodded Cas's back and proudly showed him to Jess.

Jess, the girl's gaped in surprise at Sam's words. She looked at him impressively and whistled, " You two make such a hot couple."

"Jessica is fellow American and she is living here studying theology for past one year." Sam said smiling.

"Why don't you two come in and see our humble boardinghouse and take a rest. We will go on the boat ride later after seeing the evening prayers on the bank of Ganges. It is such a sacred and serene thing to watch."

Jessica's friendly voice broke the unnatural truce among them and Castiel felt grateful to Jessica for that. He and Dean followed Sam and Jess into their house. Dean was still ignoring Castiel. He saw the big smiles Sam was throwing at both of them like he could not believe his own eyes. It was like basking in sunshine but he could also feel the coldness seeping through Dean. He had never been this conflicted before. He was walking in between the two brothers and he could not decide which brother he cared about more or he wanted. Sam was the love of his life and he could not deny that Dean had become much more to him than he had ever imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to split the chapter in two parts. First part is Cas' POV. Next chapter would be Dean's. :)


	12. Meeting Sam (contd)

Chapter twelve

It was supposed to be one of the most memorable moment of his life. He had planned for it. He had waited impatiently for it. He had fantasised about it. How stupid and utterly foolish he was for thinking that for once things would happen as he wished. How could he have overlooked his own rotten luck. It was supposed to be one gigantic surprise but it turned out that surprise was in store for him.

He was giddy with happiness at seeing Sam. The Indian sun had roasted him brown and boy, did he seem a bit taller than when he ran way. How massive Sasquatch of his brother had grown but to Dean, Sammy was still nerdy chubby twelve year old reading the Hobbit and crazy for Star Trek. The moment he saw Sam, he forgot all the complaints and anger he had harboured towards him for running away. It was not the first time Sammy had run away. When Dean was fourteen Sam had bolted away on his watch and they had found him in a motel twenty miles from the town eating Funyuns and he was smiling at Dean with his eyes twinkling as if he knew that Dean would always come for him.And now here was he again in a foreign country across the continents still looking at Dean with eyes beneath his bangs and his wide mouthed dimpled smile. Dean melted to goo at the sight of him. He had rehearsed the words he would definitely say to Sam countless times in his mind, berating him for his carelessness and irresponsibility towards family. But when Sam with his gigantic arms embraced him tightly his brain seemed to open and all the practiced words fell away in the void. Bobby was right when he had told Dean that he would overlook every single of Sam's transgressions. His family was Dean's blind spot and would always remain that way.

Sam was bounding like a overexcited puppy when he introduced him to Cas. He badly wanted Sam and Cas to bond. Cas had become something very important to him in past few days. He had started believing that Cas was here to stay. They were not traditional newly weds but they were becoming closer. People usually date before they got married but with Cas, it was happening in reverse. He was courting Cas after they got hitched. He was going through all the thrills and nervous excitement of the beginning of their budding relationship. But introducing Sam to Cas was a huge step for him. It was like inviting your date to your parents. The months between when Sam had run away and his wedding were the darkest days of his life. He had been despondent and sullen and over all miserable during those times, but now here in Rishikesh it felt like heaven. As they say every dark cloud has a silver lining. He had sincerely hoped that something good was in store for him and for the first time Dean Winchester was looking forward to his future and thanking his luck.

He should not have jumped at dreaming about his rosy future too soon. Sam knew Cas. It was the big red sign which he totally missed due to his own excitement and Sam's insane energy and ramblings. It was Cas's face which made him realise something was amiss. He was totally missing the big picture. The way Cas was looking at Sam as if he held the answers of everything, the delicate tenderness in his eyes, a ghost of smile on his angelic face, it was akin to adoration and worship. Cas, his ice princess, was melting at the sight of his baby brother. They knew each from some nerdy book convention and had bonded there. From the dazed looks on both their faces, it appeared that their first meeting was still memorable and fresh in their minds. Sam was literally jumping at the joy. In his overgrown head, he had already concocted story of how Dean and Cas met, fell in love and got married. Dean did not have heart to break the ugly truth to him. There was no fairy tales of love and destiny behind their marriage except a business deal of two cut throat ambitious men who were ready to pawn their unwilling sons. He had always assumed that Cas was blackmailed into marriage like him. He had met Cas's hellish family and thought they would have forced him to agree, after all Cas was as unhappy and sour faced with the arrangement as he was. The moment Cas said that Sam had lied about his name, it came crashing to Dean that Cas thought he was marrying Sam. The memory of drunken Cas on their wedding reception jabbering repeatedly that he was not Dean Winchester flashed before his eye. Cas had married for love. Cas believed that he was marrying Sam. There was no rom com thing about their marriage that Sam was gushing about. It was a mistake, a gross mistake and Dean would be biggest idiot in the world of he believed it otherwise.

"No, Sammy. That's not how it went."

His world was sinking fast. Morning and waking up to sleeping Cas with the butterflies in his stomach seemed like a distant memory. It felt  
like Something from his dream and now. he was in some fucked up nightmare. Cas was embodiment of all the purity and innocence for him. And the same Cas, who Dean had put up on the pedestal, had lied to him. Cas had kept this huge secret inside him while he listened to Dean's stories about his family and Sammy. Why would Castiel do that. There were so many unanswered questions currently roaming around his mind that he did know where to begin. The appearance of Jessica, Sam's friend though broke the tension in the air. Cas was looking as if he had been struck by lightening. He had never seen Cas that broken and bewildered before and Sam, the lucky bastard was obliviously cheery. His marriage was a business deal, he had accepted the truth behind it but last couple of days had been great and he had foolishly started believing that may be there was something beyond mutual financial benefit in their union. May be, he had found somebody he could grow old with. May be his ways of 'whoring' as described by Bobby and his Dad were finally over. But the hope, that fickle bitch was always ready to bite him in the ass whenever Dean Winchester started believing something.

"Dean, are you alright. You look ill."

Sam was shaking his shoulders with concern. He was overwhelmed with everything that had happened and laughed with self deprecation.

"I am peachy, dude."

Cas had retreated to their room and Dean was not yet ready to face Cas. He needed some air to think what was he going to do next. He had never felt this unprepared before.

"Hey, Dean, are you sure."

"Of course, I am sure, Sammy. I am fucking all right same as I was when you ran away leaving a pathetic note. You sneaked away like a thief. You do not think I did not deserve to know of your decision being told to me face to face. I have always looked out for you. I tried my best, Sammy and you let me down. I needed you and you were gallivanting the world with spring in your steps."

He snapped. All the vitriol and resentment bubbling inside him finally found the outlet. He was happy to see Sam safe and healthy but all those months of tension, and being sick with worry and imagining the worst had taken the toll on him and he finally let himself go.

"What if something had happened to you and I never knew about it."

" Dean.." Sam looked ashamed and guilty.

"You know why I left without telling you. Because I would not be able to go. I was not happy, Dean. I was stifling in that home with Dad's insane ambitions and expectations. I wanted a normal life. I did not want to be a part of family business. Dad had made it perfectly clear that there was only one path and future for us, being Winchesters. I did not want that. I wanted to make my own path. I had to get away from Dad to find it. And that meant leaving you too. You would always be good son. You had been a brother, mother and a father to me. You were my everything, Dean. I always looked up to you but this time I had to walk alone without you watching my steps. I needed this, Dean. I am sorry for breaking your trust but I needed this."

"It's okay, Sammy. You know I will forgive you everything. Stop crying like a little girl. You are six foot plus giant for god's sake."

"You are an ass, do you know that. How does Castiel put up with you,"

"Sam"

No, he could not tell Sam the ugly truth of his marriage not now. It would be heartless of him to burst the sweet bubble Sam had built around them. Let Sam imagine rainbows and unicorns atleast one of them would be happy.

"Okay. You want to rest with your husband. Better not be late. Dean we are going for boat ride in evening."

With that Sam hugged him again and pushed him in the room Cas was in winking naughtily.

Cas was pacing inside the room nervously when he entered and the moment Cas saw him, he literally froze. For few moments there was a pin drop silence and only sounds which could be heard were their breaths and bells of some temples nearby. There were so many things he wanted to ask and say but it finally it didn't matter at all. In reality they were just two strangers.

"Dean." Cas was saying with hesitant words, " I am sorry for not telling you the truth."

He had enough of sorrys of a lifetime in one day today. First Sammy and now Cas.

"The truth is I knew Sam before marriage but I thought he was you. I agreed to our marriage because I foolishly believed that I was marrying Sam. As you know now, we met only once at Supernatural convention. I was besotted with him. He was charming and smart and I was swept off my feet. When I returned home, Michael told me about the wedding. I immediately said no. I was not a chattel to be pawned over and then he showed me the photograph. It was your father and you two. I could believe that the man I had met and charmed by was the Dean Winchester I was supposed to marry. Sam had said he was Dean so I felt no need to confirm it. I tried to contact you but did not get any answers and even that did not even dampen my happiness and enthusiasm. God, I was so foolish redecorating my house and planning my future. I came to know of the truth the night before the wedding. I was utterly devastated but then it was too late. My family's reputation was at stake and I made the choice to carry on with this marriage."

"Why did not you tell me the truth then, Cas. Why did you lie?"

"How could a thirty year old man do something as silly as that. I was ashamed of my stupidity. I met a guy for few hours and fell for him. I daydreamed about the rosy future with him. Where were my reason and logic. I had never done something so impulsively stupid. Even when I did not receive any answers to my mails and calls, I still kept on dreaming. I was an utter fool. Do you know how humiliating it was standing before my father telling him that I agreed to marriage because of mistaken identity. I could not face the truth that I had made one major decision of my life so rashly. The decision which turned my whole life upside down. I was scared, ashamed, angry and in denial. I hated myself and now I hate myself more because I should have told you the truth."

Cas had fallen for Sam. If Sam had not lied, Cas might have married Sam. Cas and Sam would have been perfect for each other. Sam was Cas' choice. Ever since he had planned their trip to India, he had been looking forward to the moment Sam and Cas would meet. He knew that they would go along great. It was as if he had premonition that Cas and Sam were destined together. Cas was still in love with Sam and Sam had recognised Cas, hell, he even said that he had crush on Cas. The universe was setting out the signs to complete this love story. Dean was the only obstacle left. He was so naive to hope that Cas would fall in love with him. He and Cas had nothing in common. There was no way they would have been happy together whereas Sam and Cas perfectly blended with each other. He had to finish this incomplete saga for the sake of Cas. If Sam is what Cas wanted then Dean was willing to walk away from his life. He was ready to let Cas go. It would be painful and break his heart in million pieces but atleast he would still have that magical kiss in Taj Mahal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for delay in update. Some family emergency. But now I am back in track :)


	13. The myth of love

Chapter thirteen

The chimes of bells, holy chants of priests, million little lights of floating lamps and cold water of Ganges river flowing beneath his feet was not enough to calm the turbulence inside him. Here in the holy city of Rishikesh with umpteen temples and ashrams, he could not find a single moment of peace. Everywhere around him devotees were standing with their hands joined in reverence to their gods, their face beaming with devotion and love and Castiel felt like a sinner. Ever since he had confessed the truth to Dean, he was ashamed to look at Dean in eyes. They say that holy dip in Ganges river absolve all your sins but Castiel did not want to be pardoned so easily. The revelations of truth had changed something between him and Dean. The easy camaraderie which they had developed had vanished into opacity. Gone were Dean's dancing eyes, mischievous corners of his mouth, waggling eyebrows with hints of innuendo and smile which could melt glaciers. He had become so habituated to lively Dean Winchester that this new Dean seemed like an imposter. Dean had withdrawn from him after knowing the truth and Castiel could not reach out to him. Every attempt he had made to engage Dean had been fruitless. It was frustrating to watch Dean's charms being directed to someone other than him. He had been flirting constantly with other tourists and Jessica seemed to be new object of Dean's attention. Cas was just a mute spectator helplessly seeing his husband behave like a horny teenager but he was not the only one. Sam's face was myriad of conflicting emotions too. He was fighting hard to control his temper while giving sympathetic glances to Cas. It was sweet thought that there was atleast one person in the world rooting for his and Dean's marriage ironically that person was the one Cas wanted to marry in the first place. 

"Hey Cas, can I call you Cas or is only Dean supposed to call you that?" 

"If you want to call me Cas then can I call you Sammy"

"Hell no, Sammy is twelve year old chubby kid. I prefer Sam."

"Okay Sam then, you can call be Cas. I know Castiel can be a bit difficult to address. Can you imagine high school with that name."

"Really, were you bullied because of your name."

"My elder brother's name is Lucifer and his reputation was like his name so you can say that I was protected." 

"Your parents seems to have some angel kink." 

"Did I tell you that I have two other brothers named Gabriel and Michael." 

"That's interesting. Why were you not given Archangel's name. Why name you after an angel not Archangel."

"I did ask that question to my parents. Apparently my mother's favourite angel was Castiel." 

"Apparently your name is my favourite too. I really did not imagine meeting you again, Cas. I thought it was like meeting someone for once and telling tales about it. I was not lying when I said I came to India because of you. I was in very bad state at that time when I met you. I needed peace and purpose. Thanks for your advice. I bet you do not even remember it." 

Irony again. It seemed that his life had become a Greek comedy of some sorts. Shakespeare would have adapted it flawlessly. Falling for one brother and getting married to another. He could not recall telling Sam to explore the world and visit India. Both Sam and him had different vantage point of their meeting. He had relived that moment so many times that it had become mythical in his life as if he had wholly imagined it. 

"Dean, come over here, we are going on a boat ride. You, Cas , me and Jess right now." Sam was hollering at Dean who was busy ignoring Cas. 

"You and Cas share one boat. I don't want to die of boredom hearing your nerdy chatter of some sci fi crap. I would rather share my boat with pretty lady here."

It hurt to hear Dean's casual dismissal of him. Dean was angry with him that he did not want to spend one single moment with him. His anger was justified but such callousness was not. It made him furious and wounded from inside. He had said sorry but it seemed it was not enough. He did not know how to mend the fragile friendship which felt broken. It was daunting to think what the future held. 

"Really, Dean." Sam was giving his bitch face to Dean. He looked perplexed as if trying to understand the dynamics of their marriage. Cas took pity on him and said, " it's okay, Sam. Let Dean have his fun." 

Sam was muttering under his breath about Dean being an asshole as they descended on a rickety wooden boat . Their boatman was a wizened old man with missing teeth and he gave them a big smile. Cas was concerned at the thought of old man steering their boat but Sam reassured him winking that Hari Baba was an expert and hugged the old man. Hari Baba, the old man was quite a singer and expert in manoeuvring their boat amidst hoards of other boats. Soon they were floating away in the farther corner with starlit sky above and dulcet tones of Hari Baba. 

"You know what the song means. It is a folk song depicting the longing of a girl for a man who has gone to city and promised her that he will return and marry her. All her friends have gotten married and she still waits at the corner of the road where her lover promised he would come back." Sam was saying with wistfulness.

There was delicate pain in the voice of old man which touched a part of Cas soul. Dean's boat was nowhere in sight and he felt a sudden urge to see him. It felt like he was drifting away to nowhere, away from Dean and he would never see him again. Something had snapped between them and he was pining for the memories of the moments they were together like the girl from the song. 

"Hey Cas, is everything alright. You know I was so happy to meet you again. I thought you would remain a memory to me. A memory of one of the best times I had. You know, I had ran away from home. For Dean, family is everything. Dad was just a blip in my childhood radar busy with his business in the day and passed out drunk in the night. Dean was the one who made me breakfast and gave me presents on birthday. He was there when I hurt myself riding a bicycle or when I was bullied by fellow students. I do not know why or how he held our family together. As Dad's business bloomed he became even busier. He wanted us to follow him. Dean used to sing in a band and I was in high school. I remember Dean putting on a suit next day and putting his guitar in the case and locking it. He was supposed to go on the tour and he left the band just like that for Dad. I shouted at him and you know what he said. He said Dad needed us, needed him. I called him names but he stood by Dad. And when my time came, I could not do it. I could not sacrifice my dreams for family business. Dean said he would talk to Dad but John Winchester gave me no choice. I ran away. The only regret I will ever have was leaving Dean behind. Initial few days were tough without him. I realised that Dean was a shield protecting me from harsh realities of the world and now the shield was gone. There were days when I missed him so much but I had to find my own path. Maybe that's why I blurted out his name when you asked about mine. He was my hero and I wanted to be like him once. He is good guy, Cas maybe a little or not little asshole sometimes. He is a real deal and I am happy that you found each other."

Sam, the floppy haired tall guy of his dreams, was happy that he and Dean found each other. Sam who was looking at him with his soulful hazel eyes and warm smile. Those dimples on which Cas has tried to write sonnets were still adorable. The long body stretched lazily across him catlike was still irresistible but something was amiss. The first time, he had laid his eyes on Sam, he was struck by a thunderbolt. He had never experienced such intense emotions which were usually described by great poets. It was a high which he thought would last forever but now with his crush sitting before him like he had months ago and chatting enthusiastically, Cas felt warmth. There was no volcanic hot passion which melted his insides. There were no lightening or thunderstorms, just a slow undercurrent of familiarity and friendship. What had changed now that he was not floored by Sam's charms. He should be ecstatic , crazy and mad with happiness at the proximity of Sam but what he was feeling was underwhelming. He was still reeling from Dean's aloofness. Sam was singing peans about Dean. He had never imagined that a day would come when Dean would be the only connecting link between him and Sam. He could not help comparing the two brothers. Dean with his devil may care attitude and Sam with his search for normal. He loved his brothers deeply but the extent of devotion these two for each other had was beyond comprehension. 

"I can imagine Dean strumming a guitar belting out rock numbers. In fact my ear drums are still bleeding from those songs he forced our driver to play. He can be a brat sometimes." 

He had a feeling that the end of his marriage was near. His friendship or whatever you call it with Dean was grasping the last breath. And he wanted to share the moments he lived with Dean and cherish them forever. The hypnotising sound of paddle against the flowing Ganges, chirping of crickets and pure unadulterated beauty of silvery water reflecting dark looming mountains, it was the best place to mourn the death of his marriage and also his love for Sam. It was clear as a sky that whatever he had felt for Sam was just not there. The months he spent dreaming and longing felt like a illusion or hoodwink. The fire which had consumed him once was at its dying embers. He had blindly lived with idea of his perfect love that he had totally missed the reality. Even with Sam so near to him that he could reach out and touch him, Dean was the one he was thinking about. Gabe had once told him that he might be great professor of mathematics but he would still be clueless about love. Life did not follow equations. There was no perfect formula to it. He had imagined to make the perfect isosceles triangle with two equal sides and he could not see that Sam's side was already missing. You could not concoct your life in desired proportions because life always surprise you. Gabe his brother was right. Cas was completely clueless about love. He thought he loved Sam but now he was not so sure.   
................................................................................................................................................

Bela used to tell him that he will be punished one day for callously breaking the hearts of people he slept with. He tended to disagree because he always made it clear that he was interested in flings. He believed in hook ups. There was no emotional baggage involved in series of one night stands even though Sam and Bobby disapproved and rolled their eyes. He was never going to change for anybody. He was satisfied with his conquests till he married and then met Castiel Milton. The funniest bit was that he had not even slept with Castiel. How could he fall in love with the guy he did not share the bed with was strange even to him. Well now it was all history. His stupid notion of monogamy was over, monogamy was overrated anyway. It was for gullible fools like Cas and Sam. Let Castiel have his forever together with Sam, Dean was happy playing the field. The first thing he would do on returning to America was annulment of marriage. The non consummation was good grounds for it. His father and Miltons would blow their shit over it but they would be soothed once they knew Winchester and Milton was still a possibility. Everything would go back to normal. Cas would vanish from his life. Sam would be back and Dean would be unattached and raring to go. 

His plan was to make Sam realise that Cas was the best thing that could happen to him. Cas was already in love with Sam. But his stupid brother was making puppy eyes to Jessica Moore. Jess was coming in between his plan. She seemed to be interested in his brother though. They were going on the tour of temples and ashrams and this was the best opportunity to implement his big plan but sadly Jessica had excused herself. But he did not need to worry as there were many fishes floating around. 

India was eye opening to him. He loved the crowds, the colours and energy of people. At every temple they went, he saw hundreds of devotee patiently waiting in line. The banks of Ganges was bursting with men, women and children taking the holy dip. It was fascinating to watch the strong faith flowing in the veins of these people. The ashrams were complete different to the din of the temples. There was sense of calm and peace prevailing there and he felt somewhat fulfilled. 

"Do your deed and don't wait for the fruits of your actions." 

The words were sprawled across the wall of ashram they visited. The words intrigued him. 

"These words are from Gita, the religious text which is more of a philosophy" Sam was explaining to Cas.

"These words are so simple yet so deep. All our life we are doing things expecting something in return. Maybe that's why we are unhappy and dissatisfied because we never get what we expect. Life would be simpler if we do what we are meant to do without craving awards or recognition or acknowledgement." Cas was replying back. 

Seeing those two discussing animatedly made the resolve he had made to bring them together more stronger. They were always meant to be and he was the stumbling block in their fairy tale. Sam would realise sooner or later that there is no one like Cas and he would fall in love with him like Dean had. He had to do his part and leave Cas without expecting anything in return. A small, minuscule part of him still held the hope of Cas returning his love but the hope was fading fast. 

He was willing to sacrifice himself hundred times over those two people he loved the most. His happiness was not worth anything anyways. The long term relationships and marriage were never his forte. He was more wham bam thank you ma'am or dude type. People do not change and love definitely did not transform lives. 

He proceeded to flirt with anybody they met on the way. He was maybe out of the groove but it was okay. He would reach his old playboy self. It was disconcerting and he was not enjoying it but he had to put on a show to make Cas notice that their marriage meant nothing. The wounded look in Cas's eyes at his behaviour hurt him more than anything but it was for Cas. Dean would go to any depths to make Cas happy and if Sam was what Cas wanted so be it. 

"Dean, come over here, we are going on a boat ride. You, Cas , me and Jess right now." Sam was shouting at him pointing towards boats.

It was perfect opportunity for Cas to spend some alone time with Sam so he replied back ,"You and Cas share one boat. I don't want to die of boredom hearing your nerdy chatter of some sci fi crap. I would rather share my boat with pretty lady here."

The anger in Sam's eyes and silent resignation in Cas' was worth bearing if those two had some nice romantic moments. Jess was of course furious and she showed no mercy in asserting her disapproval. She was a wonderful girl, intelligent, smart, beautiful with her cute little crush on Sam but desperate time needed desperate measures. 

"I think you are grade A asshole. I do not know what your motives behind this flirtations are. I am sick of it and I would not tolerate it any longer. You are a married man on honeymoon with such a charming husband but your actions are degrading. You do not deserve good man like Castiel." 

After her outburst, Jessica ignored him and cut short their boat ride and left him alone. Her words were still ringing in his head. There was truth in them. Bela had not believed in it either. Everybody knew Cas was too good for him. Why he never accepted it. Why he had to go and fall in love with one man who did not love him back. He was alone drifting in the boat going nowhere. Maybe this was his destiny.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Dean." 

He returned back completely wasted only to see fuming Sam standing in the doorway. 

"What do you mean. Sammy." 

"I mean, your obnoxious behaviour. I thought you changed. I thought this marriage and Cas meant something to you." 

"Well, you thought wrong." 

"Why are you doing this Dean. Why are you deliberately sabotaging your marriage." 

"What do you know about my marriage, Sammy. You were not there. You ran away." 

"What do you mean, Dean. I know I was not there. Will you stop throwing it to my face at every opportunity." 

"My marriage is a sham, Sammy. It is a business arrangement," 

"I do not understand." 

"John Winchester and Miltons wanted a business merger to turn into family business. I was a mere sacrificing pawn. When have I ever refused our father." 

"But you and Cas are perfect for each other. You are lying. No, it can't be." 

It was heart breaking to watch his giant brother crumble. He put his hand on Sam's shoulders comforting him. 

"I am sorry. But it is the truth." 

"But you love him Dean and he is in love with you." 

"No, it is just a show. There is nothing between us. We met on the day we married." 

"No, no, you are lying. You are joking. C'mon Dean, the way you two look at each other, it can't be a show." 

"It is the truth. Cas did not want to marry me in the first place." 

"Then why did he?" 

"Because he thought I was you."


	14. Realising love

Castiel had returned back from boat ride confused as ever. It was everything he had once dreamt about but it felt nothing like he had expected. Dean had not come back but Jessica was there looking upset and angry giving him sympathetic glances. Though she never told what happened, Sam and him could discern that Dean had done something to infuriate her. Dean's behaviour since they have come to Rishikesh was baffling. Castiel was hurt, angry, and even embarrassed by it. He tossed and turned in the bed restlessly. He was too confused to get a control on his emotions. Ganges was roaring nearby andhis heart was stormy with overwhelming feelings and to be honest, it was the concern for Dean which was predominant. It was half past midnight and Dean still had not come back. He was almost panicking that something wrong had befell Dean when he heard loud noises on the courtyard. It seemed like Dean and Sam were having a shouting match at the midnight. And soon Dean came stumbling towards their room. He was completely drunk, dishevelled with blood shot eyes. He was staggering side to side and looked as if he would fall down any minute. Cas rushed to stabilise him. Sam was nowhere to be seen. He had stormed off to his room and Cas could hear loud sound of Sam's slamming his door forcefully. He wondered what might have happened between the brothers to cause such fight. 

"Dean, are you alright?" He asked Dean tentatively.

"No, I am not." Dean was slurring.

"What happened?" He asked gently. At the sight of Dean, he had forgotten his anger and resentment and even questions for Dean's obnoxious behaviour. The only thing he wanted now to take care of Dean and make sure he did not choke on his vomit. 

"Cas, everything is okay now." Dean said. He had never looked so vulnerable to Cas before. Dean was a force of nature but seeing him like this brought intense desire to hold him in his arms tightly and soothe him.

"That's good, right." He replied putting Dean on the bed gingerly. As he turned around to fetch a glass of water and some aspirin. He was surprised to find Dean holding his hand tightly and not letting him go. 

"Don't leave. Just stay for a minute." 

"Hey, I was getting water and aspirin for you. You know you are going to have killer hangover tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow.." Dean laughed softly, " everything is going to be alright tomorrow. You would be happy Cas. I promise." 

Dean's green eyes were glinting like emeralds in the golden candlelight. Cas caught his breath at the softness of Dean's face. Something was melting his insides like the wax on the candle. 

"Can I confess something.?" Dean was asking wistfully. 

"Yes." He replied. 

"I.. I .. Want you to be happy." Dean was struggling to find words. It appeared that he wanted to say something but was not able to express himself.

"I want you to be happy too, Dean" Cas reassured. 

"No, Cas. I want you to be really happy. I ..I ..like your smile. You should always smile. Can I say something." Dean drunken speech was making no sense but it still meant everything to him.

"Yes, Dean, you can say anything to me." 

"I.. I .. like your eyes. They are so blue. They remind me of clear summer skies or silent brooding ocean. Promise me that you would be always like this." 

A faint blush was creeping over him at Dean's words. The crazy day had changed into even crazier night and he still did not want it to end. 

"Cas, I... I... Believe me, I want you to be happy and Sam to be happy. I will make you both happy. Everyone would be happy. Would you miss me?" Dean's drunken tirade was getting too nonsensical. 

"What's happening, Dean. What do you want me to know." 

"Cas, I ..like...love.. India. You would be happy here, right." 

"How many drinks you had today, Dean" he asked with gentle exasperation. 

"Cas, can I say something?" 

"What now?" 

"I ... Nothing. Nothing matters now. Everything is going to be alright. Everyone is happy." 

With that Dean passed out on the bed leaving Cas standing. Nothing what Dean had said made any sense but Castiel felt that had Dean wanted to say something important to him. There was urgency and desperation in Dean's voice which was kind of freaking him out. He saw the slumped form of Dean on the bed looking so young curled in foetal position. He gave in to his persistent urge to card his fingers through short spiky hair. He gently traced the freckles on Dean's cheeks and nose like he had wanted to. A rush of warmth passed through him as Dean sighed to his touch. He remembered what Sam had told about Dean. Despite everything Dean did to chase him away or make him unhappy, Castiel knew he would always forgive Dean. There was something about Dean, a magnetic pull, which drew him to Dean. He tenderly removed Dean's the socks and shoes and covered him with blanket. He took one last glance at Dean before blowing the candles out and retiring to another room getting ready to face another night of tossing and turning and stormy dreams. 

Castiel woke up to the morning chants of prayers. He had disturbed sleep last night and it took him some moments to orient himself. There was sweet smell of incense floating in the air and cold breeze coming from the windows. There was peace and calm. Cas hoped it was not the calm before storm recalling Dean's behaviour from last night. He sauntered to the courtyard after getting fresh. There was strange quietness to the house. No sounds except chirping of birds and rush of river. He wondered where everyone went. He wanted to confront Dean about last night. He had sudden foreboding that something was amiss when he saw Sam sitting forlornly on the front door steps with his hands in his hair. 

With dread in his heart, he approached Sam. 

"What happened Sam?" 

"He is gone." Sam replied in broken voice as he looked at him with tears in hazel eyes.

"Who's gone?" He asked tentatively. 

"Dean, Cas, Dean is gone." Sam said almost hysterically. 

"Where is he gone? He was so drunk last night that I wonder he is in any condition to go anywhere. Maybe he had gone for a stroll. He would come back." He reassured Sam. He could not understand why Sam was so distraught.

"Cas, I saw him leave with his bags. He said he was going back." 

"What..Why.." Suddenly the night before flashed before his eyes. Dean's drunken desperation. His pleas for Castiel to be happy. The pain in his eyes. The unspoken words which he could never utter. His change in behaviour in past two days ever since he came to know the truth. 

"Cas, he thinks..he thinks..you are in love with me. He said your marriage was fake. He said I would make you happy. He said we are meant to be together. He asked me to promise him that I would take care of you. I do not understand anything. All I know is I have never seen two people as besotted with each other as you two." 

It was here in this very ground he had met Sam just a few days before and his world had turned upside down but now Dean had gone and ground was slipping under his feet. In the daylight he could clearly see what shadows had hidden in the night. Dean had left him so that he could be together with Sam, the love of his life. The only reason Dean had done it because he wanted Castiel to be happy. Dean believed that Cas's future lied with Sam. Dean had gone to America leaving him with Sam. Dean had left him alone. Dean was gone. Dean was not here. The one person he wanted to see, to be with, when he opened his eyes today had disappeared. Sam was sitting in front of him, unattached and confused. Sam, his wet dream, his living fantasy was in front of him and all he wanted to do was run after the man who had forsaken him so that he could live his dream. How could he have been so foolish. He was hurt by Dean's flirting because he was jealous. He was angry because he wanted to be the one adored by Dean. He had spent most of the time with Sam but the only thing in his mind was Dean. Even in Sam's company, he craved for Dean. Sam was right, he was utterly besotted with his husband. He did not even realise when it creeped up behind his back while he was still dreaming his rose coloured dreams. He was staring at it all long and was being totally blind. He had felt it in Taj Mahal but thought it was a magic. He had touched it in that seedy motel room but discarded it as effect of drug. He had been in denial of it even when the only thing his eyes are searching for is a glimpse of a man with green eyes. He could not hide it any longer, the truth that soared inside his heart like a humming bird that he was in love with his husband. He was madly, hopelessly and completely in love with Dean. 

"I love him." It was easy to hear his words now that he had accepted the truth. 

"I know. He loves you too." Sam's soft voice startled him.

"He loves me?" He asked stupidly. 

"Have you not realised it yet. He had this stupid notion inside his head that you wanted me and for the sake of your happiness, he sacrificed his own heart. Oh God, Cas, he can die for you. He loves you that much." 

"What should I do now, Sam." 

"Go, get your husband, Cas."


	15. The end or the beginning

Chapter fifteen 

It hurts. It was agony. It was like carving your heart out of your body. But it had to be done. He had planned it the day he came to know of the truth. He knew he had to do it. And now when he had finally achieved what he planned to do, he felt lifeless as if a chunk of him was missing. He was hollow from inside. He was breathing and his heart was beating but the essence of life had vaporised inside him leaving him so brittle that a simple touch would break him into million little pieces. He was holding onto the only hope that his decision would make two people he loved to the bits finally find each other. Cas and Sam would make a beautiful life together which he was willing to watch as an outsider. Always looking in and never being inside. He could imagine Cas and Sam geeking over things they were crazy about. Cas's soft smiles, his soulful blue eyes, his kindness and intelligence. Sammy was one helluva lucky guy to have someone as angelic like Cas to love him. He was leaving Cas with Sam knowing he would cherish Cas. Sam was always the sensitive one, taking care of little puppies when he was a kid and helping old women cross the roads, doing things which Dean never deigned to even consider. It was error on the part of God or so called higher power to get him and Cas married and he would rectify the mistake.The first thing he would do when he returned back to America was file for divorce. His dad, the great John Winchester would definitely hit the fan and would bristle with anger like a rabid dog but he was ready to face anyone to protect Cas. It was kind of therapeutic planning for his future atleast it made his mind busy and working so that he could forget the moments he had spent with Cas. He wanted to bury those memories in a deepest part of his heart where nobody can even lurk. Those memories would be enough to last him for a lifetime. He had never believed that he would be one who would fall in love. His world was compartmentalised into various boxes like duties, responsibilities and pleasure of flesh. And then one day, along came Castiel Milton and broke all the barriers. This was what being in love was for him, soaring like a bird while hiding the pain inside. The greatest gift in this whole damn world was to get love in return. No one's love should remain unrequited . No amount of alcohol was enough to numb the constant suffering and misery. Every heartbeat was a throbbing ache and each intake of breath was walking on shards of glasses. He knew he would never grow out of this pain but with time maybe it would lessen. He could never stop loving Cas but he would take each day as it came. And today he had to pack his bags and leave India but then why he was sitting on the stairs on the banks of Ganges looking at the river flowing by crisscrossing the green mountains. Why had he asked Balbir Singh to stop the moment they reached outskirts of Rishikesh. Why leaving Rishikesh meant losing Cas forever. His mind had agreed to his plans but why was his heart still stalling.

"Why is Mr Castiel not here with you." Balbir Singh had questioned him immediately when he observed Cas was not travelling with him.

"Because he found something he wanted badly." 

"So, you just left him. You did not fight for him." 

"Fight him for what." 

"Fight him for your love. I thought you were not the man who gave up easily." 

"Sometimes, things are never meant for you and you have to let them go."

He had to let it go. He had to catch his flight back to America. He had to start divorce proceedings as soon as he landed but all he wanted now was savour his last minutes here in this beautiful country where he fell in love for the first time in his life. It was tragically beautiful watching the river leaving the mountains and meandering its way to reach the sea, its final destination. Maybe he was like mountains guiding Cas to go where his true love was. Maybe now was the time to say his last goodbye.

"Dean." 

He heard the gravelly and breathless voice of Cas coming from behind him and he slowly opened his eyes to see Cas hovering above him taking fast breaths as if he had ran all the way to here.

"Cas.." He asked hoarsely. Maybe he was dreaming or hallucinating. There was no way Cas would find him here.

"You were leaving without even seeing me." 

There was no repproach or accusation in Cas' words except a gentle truth but his deep blue eyes was asking thousand questions. 

"Cas.." He spluttered still oscillating between dream and reality. Cas came towards him and sat besides him holding his hands. The soft touch of his fingers intermingling with each own. Suddenly, it was not a dream anymore. Cas was here with him. Cas had come for him. 

"Cas..How did you find me? Why are you here, Cas?" 

" I am here, Dean because I had to find you." 

"Well, you found me, then." He laughed with self deprecation still not believing his eyes and getting even more confused. Shouldn't Cas be with Sammy confessing his love and starting over a new life. 

"Well, Balbir Singh helped. But now that I have found you, I am not letting you go." 

"Cas.." Nothing Cas was saying was making any sense.

"Yes, Dean. I am not letting you go." Cas was saying solemnly," We both know how our marriage came to be amidst pressure, emotional blackmails, misunderstandings and lies. We were unwilling participants of this bond which was forced upon us but somewhere down the line, something started changing. I can not pin point exactly when it happened but you were no longer a stranger, then you became a friend and like a fool, I completely missed the part when you became something much more to me. That night you said that you always want me to be happy. Do you really mean it." 

"Cas..I .." 

"Please listen to me, Dean. You make me happy. Your juvenile jokes, your taste in music, your unhealthy attachment to junk foods and your brazen sexual innuendos. Yes, they make me pull my hair in frustration but they make me smile too. The way your eyes twinkle with mischief, the way you are with your family, the way you bear everything with smile on your face, it makes me happy. Your Vonnegut quotes, your love for Sam, your empathy, your courage, your generosity makes me happy. I thought that Sam was the one but he never filled my heart with joy with just one look the way you do. I may be professor of Mathematics but I am utter fool in real life because I had the best thing that happened to me all this time but I did not even realise it. You..you are the best thing in my life. But when my eyes finally opened to see what I was missing, you were not there. So, I had to find you, Dean, to tell you that I am irrevocably and hopelessly in love with you."

"Cas..no, it can't be, Cas. You are mistaken. You and Sam are meant to be. He deserves you. He will make you happy. You two make such a great couple. Sam is a genuine person, he is kind hearted and believes in rainbows, unicorns and all that stuff." 

Suddenly his words were shut down by the pressure of soft lips against his. 

He looked into his favourite pair of blue eyes and the world melted around him into just one person. Today there was no moonlight and no Taj Mahal in the background. Only two of them lost in wilderness and as Cas nibbled his lips and opened his mouth and their tongues touched, his body came alive bursting with sensations he had never felt. There was fire in his veins and serenity in his soul. His body was both aroused and satiated at the same time. He was so immersed in Cas that he could not make out where he ended and Cas began. It was desperate need for oxygen which made them pull apart. Cas with his ruffled hair, dark dilated eyes and swollen lips and red tinge of cheeks was answer to everything he had been searching for his entire life and in his arms, Dean finally found home. It was only the start of the journey, baby steps, but Dean was looking forward to thousand lifetimes of living with Cas. 

"I love you so much Cas. Will you, Castiel Milton, marry me for real this time and be with me for better or worse, for richer or poorer,in sickness and health and all other crap." 

"I do, Dean Winchester. I do for every lifetime." 

................................................................................................................................................

 

One year later 

The sun rays were peeping through the curtains as Castiel opened his eyes. It was their first anniversary though not the official one. They had celebrated their official first wedding anniversary in obligated party thrown in their honour by respective families. They had spent most of the party apart, Dean with his business associates and Castiel with other guests, looking at each other across the room desperately. The hot sex which followed afterwards was the only saving grace of the day. But today was different. It was on this day, exact one year back, both of them had come to their senses and realised and confessed their love to each other. He remembered fondly running to Dean like cliched rom com. They both had been so clueless and idiots then. Coming back to America was like stepping out into the reality from fairytale their trip to India had been. They had promised that they would make it work and each and every moment since then had been worth it. The initial heady phase when they could not keep hands off each other, a single glance could turn them on and lead to marathon lovemaking session, the sweet ache of debauched bodies, the insane desire to map every inch of each other's bodies, every position of gay kaamsutra tried and invention of new ones and one year later they were still 'fucking like rabbits' as Dean would call it. Their first fight, Dean's volcanic temper contrasting with his ice cold demeanour, it was brutal but then so was the making up sex that followed. As each day passed he found himself to falling more in love with his husband. It was like he was in some magical spell which only got stronger and stronger and he never wanted to get rid of it. 

He climbed out of the bed leaving his sleeping husband behind. Even with his spit drooling on the pillow, Dean looked gorgeous. There was something effortlessly sexy about Dean. While the rest of the world including Castiel himself woke up frumpy with bed head, Dean looked as if he had come out of photo shoot. He recalled the time when he badly wanted to trace those cute freckles on Dean's face. Now, he knew the exact number and position and taste of each one of them. It overwhelmed him sometimes that all that beauty, gorgeousness and sexiness was for him to touch and explore. He silently tip toed around to the kitchen of the house they had bought together. The house was quite big enough for two of them in the country side with giant windows and porch on the front and of course, Dean and him had christened every nook and corner of the house. They had fallen in love with it the moment they had set their eyes on it. He had even imagined growing old in the house with Dean. The backyard was large to host barbecues parties. Sam, Jess and Gabe once went skinny dipping in the lake nearby and almost got arrested for indecent exposure. Their house was a dream come true and one of his favourite time of the day was sitting on the porch in the arms of Dean drinking beer, watching stars and saying nothing.

He wanted to surprise his husband with breakfast on the bed. Knowing Dean's food habits, he did not want to leave no stones untouched so he was making blueberry pancakes, bacon and eggs, French toast and Dean's favourite black coffee without sugar knowing well that Dean became human only after his morning cup of coffee. It was bittersweet journey learning each other's likes, dislikes, whims or fancy. His habit of reading in his old comfortable chair, Dean crazy superstitious antics while watching football or leaving wet towels on the floor or not closing the cap of toothpaste properly. He was far too gone that he even found Dean's irritable habits adorable. He was putting the batter on the pan when he heard soft rustling and warm presence behind him. Dean always smelt of hot summer, woods and coffee and sometimes when Dean went away for his business trips, it was his lingering smell in the pillows which lulled him to sleep.

"Hey babe, what are you doing."he could hear Dean's hoarse sleep laden voice near his ear as Dean nibbled them and grazed his nose in his hair. They had sex two times last night and he again went hard as Dean pushed him against the kitchen counter. He mused whether the time would come when he would not spot instant erection just by looking at his husband. 

"It was supposed to be surprise. Breakfast in the bed. Now you have ruined it." He replied impetuously. There was no way he was going to make breakfast when Dean was kissing his neck and caressing his body.

"Breakfast in bed, hmm, so Cas why are we not in bed." Dean was whispering. His low gravelly voice wanting Cas to just take Dean to bed and sink his body into him. He led Dean back to bedroom getting rid off the clothes on the way. Breakfast could always wait. He wanted Dean now and he knew that he would always ache for Dean. He now laughed at the thought that he was so infatuated with Sam once. As Sam used to say ," You were merely waiting for your soul mate." Or Dean used to joke, "You found the better and sexier Winchester." The only thing he knew for sure was the fact that Dean was the one for him. Theirs were the harrowed hearts when they first met but somewhere along the way, they found each other and now even their hearts beat like one.

...........................................................................................................................................

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was my maiden attempt of writing destiel. I am overwhelmed by all the kudos and comments. Thanks you so much for reading my story.


End file.
